Adolescence period; It is a period of rapid growth and development between childhood and adulthood, during which biological, psychological and physical changes occur. In this period, which generally covers the age of 12-19, the child and/or young adult begins to become an adult, tries many behaviors and roles one after the other, and experiences complexity in emotions and thoughts. According to scientific studies; Many mental health diseases, especially depression, are more common during adolescence. The rejecting, inconsistent and uncontrolled parental attitudes that the adolescent is exposed to during this period constitute an important risk factor for psychiatric diseases. On the contrary, in this period-specific chaotic process, the mother and father's guiding, accepting and, when necessary, restrictive attitude makes it easier for the adolescent to cope with the new situations he encounters and enables him to go through this process more harmoniously. At this point, "correct communication" with the adolescent is of great importance. For example, there are some sentences used by parents that can cause 'harm' instead of 'benefit', causing communication disruption and the emergence of mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety in the adolescent. Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist Dr. Özlem Şireli listed the sentences that parents should never use when talking to a teenager.
1 - You can't do anything anyway
While the teenager is in search of identity, he may experience feelings of inadequacy from time to time. This should not be interpreted as lack of self-confidence. Every insulting or condescending statement made by the parents towards the adolescent, who is already quite fragile given the period he is in, will both increase the adolescent's anger and make him feel inadequate.
2- Why?
"Why?" Sentences starting with the question are accusatory words. For example, a parent may ask a teenager who expresses his distress: "Why were you there at that hour?" A question posed like this can create a feeling of being blamed, heavily criticized, and not understood in the adolescent, and can cause him/her to become more withdrawn. That's why parents ask "why?" It is very important that they take care to ask the question "what?" (what happened?, what do you think? etc.) instead of the question.
3 - What else have you experienced... I, you At the age of 10...
Such a form of communication makes the adolescent feel inadequate and helpless. The adolescent, who is exposed to these expressions that make him feel powerless, gives angry responses towards his parents. This ongoing communication style can lead to conflict in the parent-child relationship. It causes the adolescent to become angry and more defensive. In order for parents to act as a guide, allowing the adolescent to express his/her feelings and thoughts about the current problem and producing solutions together, taking into account his/her needs, creates a more effective communication style.
5) We will do whatever you want. . We are like friends.
According to studies; both overly permissive and overly controlling/restrictive parental attitudes; It plays an important role in the adolescent's adaptation problems and even some mental illnesses, especially depression. Overly democratic attitudes can be perceived by the young person as indiscipline. Adolescents who are not supervised or sanctioned may feel empty and try harmful actions. and when they use similar expressions; They direct their anger towards the adolescent individually, rather than towards the adolescent's behavior. Such rhetoric used by parents towards the adolescent makes him/her feel rejected. If this type of communication style continues, some emotional and behavioral problems may arise in the adolescent who cannot cope with the feeling of rejection.
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