We are in the most painful and tiring process of the exam preparation process, which is a long marathon. As a parent, in this process where your concerns about your child's future are increasing, having your anxiety under control will greatly benefit your child to spend this remaining process more productively. By accepting this, we should realize how important the process of remaining as a parent is and take care to act accordingly. You should not forget to remind yourself and your child. It is very important that you reflect with your actions and words that the success in the exam does not show your child's value. For example, the sentence "don't beat yourself up so much, it's not the end of the world, if not, you will try again next year" will cause your child to think that you have given up hope on him and cause his anxiety to increase, while when you say "we trust you, we know you will succeed", your child expects a lot from me, and if I fail, they will be disappointed. The thought that I will hurt him will also cause an increase in his anxiety. Since this process is the one where misunderstandings are most intense, you should be careful to choose the words you use carefully.
Another sentence that we think we are motivating but actually increase anxiety is "you can't succeed with this study" and "you can't do it without realizing it" His son won medicine, his daughter won the law, let's see what you will do” sentences instead of motivating your children to work cause their anxiety to increase and delay their studies. You need to be sensitive about your children's previous experiences or experiences and not to compare them with others.
You should make sure that the sentences you use are constructive, not obligatory. It is about the remaining time that everything will continue as normal and your relationships will be healthier. You have to put effort into it. This effort will not be in the form of forcing the student who prefers silence at the moment, but by making him feel that you understand him and that you are there for sharing, by emphasizing appreciation rather than criticism in this process.
Equalizing your child's value with his success in the exam or Making sentences that will cause him to perceive it as if it is, scaring him or threatening him about the results will increase the student's anxiety, not their motivation. The important thing is to live by feeling that the exam is a part of life and to let your child live it too.
With my love
Education and Family CounselorTtuba Özdemir
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