We can all experience the inability to say 'no' to the people we love and value from time to time. Even if what they want is something that we would not normally do or not like very much, our answer can be 'yes' so as not to offend or upset them. In this case, we put the wishes of others before our own. Of course, the happiness of the people we love and value is also important for us, but it would not be right for us to do something we do not really want just because others want it. Our fear of loss may decrease, and we may perceive ourselves as someone who is loved, valued and accepted. We can think of it as having met the love, respect, and acceptance we need. In fact, this is an illusion and we do not see the truth. Facts emerge over time when the 'no's we keep inside of us can no longer fit into their place and overflow. Wishes, outbursts of anger, regrets, resentments begin to turn outward.
Who has a hard time saying no?
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Can't make their own decisions
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Indecisive, doesn't know what she wants
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Needs direction
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Doesn't know her own limits and who can't put limits on others
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Living for the happiness of others
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Feeling responsible for others
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Doesn't like conflict and fight
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Afraid of hurting those around her
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Looking for acceptance and approval from those around her
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The one who does not appreciate himself and expects the appreciation of those around him a lot
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The one who does not show himself the love and respect he deserves
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Without her own priority
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Grown up without regard for her feelings, thoughts and decisions
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Those who do not express their feelings and spiritual needs
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Beliefs of worthlessness, inadequacy and unlovableness
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Fear of making enemies, being vilified, being the subject of gossip
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No shame, don't leave People who have always accepted it so that they don't cry, shout, get angry or hit have a hard time saying 'no'.
Not being able to say no is not a disease, but a problem that occurs in people with an addicted structure. Not being able to say no, if it becomes permanent, causes difficulties in many areas of one's life. Both physical and mental health can suffer. The person who cannot say no puts himself in many stressful situations, over time the stress becomes chronic. Chronic stress damages the entire body system. It prepares the ground for depression and anxiety disorders. The burdens of not being able to say no lead to wasted cognitive and physical energy, the person's productivity decreases, time management deteriorates, he starts to postpone his own work and neglect himself. He forgets his own needs and starts to lose his self-respect.
When we constantly accept requests, we also cause others to lose their respect for us. Because creating the perception that 'he accepts no matter what' causes that person's demands to be unlimited and a healthy relationship cannot be established with him.
Can saying no be learned? The answer to this question is definitely yes. It is absolutely necessary to learn. Because being able to say no; It gives a person self-confidence and self-respect. It helps him see his needs, realize his feelings, take a determined stance and establish healthy relationships.
What can be done to say 'no' when necessary?
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If you have trouble saying 'no', you can try using words that have the same meaning as no. Phrases such as 'This proposal did not appeal to me at all, not now but maybe another time, thank you very much, but it is not suitable for me, unfortunately I cannot do what you want.' can be helpful for a start.
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Whatever you don't want to do or don't like to do, you can explain to the other person why you don't want to do it. With the sentence “No, I don't want to do this, because…” you can express yourself comfortably.
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When we do not want to make a request, the important point we need to announce to the other person is our feelings. Whatever emotion the other person wants creates in us. It has to be said, it has to be told. For example; You can say, 'No, I don't want to come there, because I am unhappy when I go there.' For example; "No, I can't get there now, but we can meet next weekend." or “No, I don't want to go to the movies, but we can go to dinner together.”
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If you find it difficult to use the word "no" against people who are dear to you, you can make small trials first. For example; “Would you like another glass of water?” You can start by saying “No thank you” to a simple and everyday question such as Doing this practice with people you don't know will make your job easier. After your food order from a waiter in a restaurant, “Do you want a drink with your meal?” “No, I don't want any thanks.”
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You should not use the word 'maybe'. Because the word 'maybe' that you use in some subjects where you cannot say no can be perceived as accepting, yes for the other party. This may again force you to do something you don't want to do.
We are the ones who will determine how people treat us. The better we draw our own boundaries against them, the more attentive their way of treating us will be. If we say 'yes' all the time, it means we keep the boundaries of our personality and decisions too wide
. This broad attitude opens the door for people to abuse ourselves. Instead, it is necessary to use yes-no options effectively. Thus, our relationships become healthier and stronger. The person in front of us knows where to stand, what he/she may or may not want from us, and acts accordingly.
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