Whoever once accompanied you with messages has left you a legacy of expectant messages, even if he or she is no longer actually with you. These people may have been your parents, perhaps a teacher, or perhaps relatives you were close to. Sometimes you have to be more successful to be loved or respected, sometimes the needs of others are more important, your conscience is throbbing, you feel guilty. The name of this mode, which tires you with its demands, is "Demanding parent mode". Our inner sides, where our basic beliefs in the background come together and shift our mood, are characterized by different patterns of emotions, thoughts and behaviors, and these are called modes. I can say that I see many patients with “demanding parent mode” during my sessions. This mode can both aim for success and leave you with intense feelings of guilt. You may have come across people who seek perfection, maybe you are one of them. If what you do is not perfect, you feel unsuccessful and inadequate. Being successful is one of the important steps in enjoying life. Even before completing a task, you set out to achieve new tasks, and from time to time you encounter pressures that you cannot cope with. You have to do the best you can, you deprive yourself of relaxation and enjoyable activities. The rules you set for yourself have extensions such as “should, should, must” etc. The messages of such an inner voice may sound pleasant to your ears at first. So you may be thinking, what's wrong with being successful and wanting success? The problem here is that the person is constantly exposed to feelings of pressure and stuckness, and cannot take the chance of making a mistake, and listens to the voice of the mood without enjoying life enough. If you have such an inner voice, do not let it control you, try to think that there may be situations and tasks that you cannot achieve, and try to approach yourself and your mistakes with compassion. You will notice that the pressure you feel has decreased.
The messages of the demanding parent mode, which focuses on your emotions, are different. What this voice expects from you is that you have a greater sense of responsibility than others and that you care more about other people's needs than your own. So much so that when you don't do this, water You will experience a feeling of guilt and remorse. It's up to you to please others, you do your best to do so. So what will happen to your needs while you listen to your inner voice telling you that you need to do these things? How will these be received?
Try to understand how the messages of this voice that once came towards you and that you thought you should listen to made you feel. Remember that expressing your needs and reducing excessive responsibilities will turn into moments where you give yourself opportunities instead of the feelings of responsibility and guilt you often feel. When you realize you are exhausted by your expectations, try to be compassionate with yourself. The main thing is compassion. Compassion, compassion, compassion…
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