When children are young, they often dream of going to school and envy their elders who go to school. But when school ages come, this desire gives way to intense excitement. It stands on such a fine line that it is only a matter of time before this excitement turns into fear. The following words suddenly begin to come out of the mouth of the child, who until a few years or even a few months ago was filled with the desire to go to school; “Mom, I don't want to go to school.”
So what is school phobia? Why and how do children get this feeling? How should the family of a child with school phobia handle this situation? In this article, we will answer these and similar questions and try to shed light on the unknowns on the subject.
What is School Phobia?
School phobia occurs in school age children due to strong anxiety. It is the child's refusal or seeming unwilling to go to school. While this emotional confusion is more common when starting school, it can sometimes occur in later years of school life. A child who is afraid of school suddenly resists not going to school and often makes meaningless excuses. In the face of extreme pressure from the parents, the child panics, worries, cries and continues to insist on not going to school.
Reasons;
The source of school phobia lies in the child's fear of separation from the mother or the person who replaces the mother. When a young child experiences such a separation, he may also think that he will be abandoned by his mother. The child thinks that he or his mother will be harmed in the mother's absence and begins to worry. When a child is faced with an authority he has never known, in a place he has never known before, he becomes afraid and begins to think that it would be better for him to be with his family. On the other hand, the situation is different for children who have another sibling at home. They may be jealous of the time their parents spend with their sibling in their absence, may have the idea that they will lose their status at home while they are at school, may think that their parents sent them to school to get rid of them, and may refuse to come to school to prevent all these.
The severity of the fear of separation is also an important factor in the formation of school phobia. Sometimes mother and child He cannot quickly accept that she is leaving him and going to school. He/she unconsciously conveys his/her feelings and emotions on this subject to the child through subtle messages and indirect means. In such cases, the mother begins to tell the child that she will wait for him all day long when he starts school, that she will miss him very much while doing this, and about what a great time they had together. The child who listens to all this begins to regard starting school as synonymous with betraying his mother. Thus, just like her mother, she goes back and forth between going to school and the fear of separation. This is another important factor in the formation of school phobia.
Common Characteristics of Children with School Phobia;
Children who develop school phobia usually;
<Overprotected by parents,
Expecting approval from everything they do,
Excessively dependent on mother dependent,
Lacking self-confidence,
Wanting instant gratification,
Well-behaved and harmonious,
Shy, unable to express their wishes freely,
Cannot communicate well with strangers, afraid of strangers Who does not want to meet in public,
He is happier spending time at home instead of going out and playing games,
Although his speaking skills are not developed, Children who try to solve their problems on their own.
How Do You Know If Your Child Has School Phobia? When going;
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If psychosomatic symptoms such as headache, abdominal pain, nausea, feeling of vomiting and loss of appetite are observed, If he is touchy and angry,
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If he loses enthusiasm and energy,
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If he acts shy,
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If he suffers from insomnia,
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If he acts passively and introverted towards school activities,
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He is at school and at home without any reason. If he started to cry or get angry,
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If he couldn't choose between staying at home and missing schoolwork and became extremely anxious,
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Frequent headaches even though he is not sick If a complains about abdominal pain as an excuse, p>If the child does not go to school for days and does not feel guilty for not going to school, it may be suspected that the child has a school phobia.
What Children with School Phobia Frequently Express to Their Parents:
“Why Don't You Stay with Me at School?”
Most of the time, separation from the family will be difficult for the child. He has difficulty understanding why kindergarten is only for children and why parents cannot stay there with him. The child, who does not yet know how to distinguish between the school environment and the family environment, which is the center of his world, wants to see someone from his family with him in this new environment. Separation is an emotion that helps with differentiation. This feeling is a learning based on the child's spiritual development. Separation is not just about leaving home, it is also a time to get to know the world in a different way and learn to stand on your own. There is a world with many variables and centers that the child must discover and keep up with. Therefore, sometimes the child cannot keep up with these variables and says, "Please mom, not so fast, let's move forward slowly!" can give the message. In this case, the parent needs to explain to the child that, despite everything, he must go to school and learn many things that are mandatory for growing up.
“I Don't Want to Eat at School!”
A small baby who is fed by sucking milk from his mother or with a bottle given by his father is not actually fed only with milk; He is fed by the look, the mother's voice talking to him, the warmth and the peace he feels. During those periods, he receives love and affection as well as protein. While the proteins it receives form its organism, love and compassion form its ego. The child feels safe in the arms of his parents with the love he receives. The child, who is surrounded by love and affection by his parents, grows up happily and desires to maintain his current eating habits in the same environment. While eating is an action filled with such special moments for a child, suddenly he encounters The crowded environment and food of the cafeteria become unbearable for the child. But the child also needs to learn to eat in a noisy environment and in groups, and to be satisfied with the food offered to him, even if it is not always delicious. Therefore, as a parent, you should encourage your child to gradually learn to adapt to the group he is in and to discover other sources of happiness in that environment. With your help, over time, the difficulty in eating that the child experiences in those first days will turn into enjoyable meals.
Ways to Cope with School Phobia;
Before your child starts school First, talk to him often about school. Tell your child about activities and objects that he might like at his school. Explain that school is an environment where the child can make new friends, have a good time, learn new things, and feel happy and safe.
Family members must take a firm and determined attitude for the child to go to school. Every day and hour that going to school is postponed will cause the problem to grow further. For this reason, a firm attitude should be taken against the child who refuses to go to school, and if possible, he should be encouraged to attend school with a family member who will not cause any problems.
At first, it may be difficult to go to school early in the morning. Still, do not ask your child how he feels, because this will give your child the opportunity and courage to complain.
Monitor your child constantly, if he can move around the house and does not seem too uncomfortable, he will be able to go to school. If your child has physical complaints and they are similar to his general complaints, prepare him for school immediately and send him to school without much discussion. If you are worried about your child's health, a doctor's check-up will be useful. Otherwise, send him to school and inform his teacher.
Talk to your child about school phobia outside of school time. Don't blame your child for school phobia. Don't make fun of his fear and tears. Tell them that this situation has been experienced by many children and that they will definitely feel better over time. .
Children with school phobia, o spend more time with their families outside of work; playing at home, staying alone in their room or watching TV, etc. they want. In such cases, encourage your child to spend time with his peers.
Kindergarten is a process in which the child leaves the family environment, steps into socialization and learns to integrate and integrate with a group. Integration means adjusting emotionally to a group. The child who manages to integrate in kindergarten will later take his place in a group where he will feel safe with the contributions of the teacher. Therefore, in order to help the child get used to kindergarten and his/her friends more easily, the parent should ensure that the child spends time with his school friends at home from time to time.
Explain to the child why he needs to go to school, if he does not go to school, he will fall behind in his studies and this will be bad for him. Explain that it will cause some disruptions.
Keep your goodbyes short. Make the child feel that separations are natural. If the child's dependent states that they will wait for the child at home after school hours, it may be convincing for the child to go to school.
Telling him how your day was and talking to him about how his day was can put both of you at ease. Share your child's feelings and thoughts about that day.
Try to reduce the child's dependence on you. To do this, prepare free time activities. The child's dependency on his parents will decrease and his self-confidence will begin to develop as he acquires play skills.
Like every parent, it is normal to feel a little anxious about your child. However, if this anxiety is at a level that will negatively affect your child's psychological, social and personality development, consult a specialist. Don't worry because your child is not in front of you all the time. Sometimes you can overcome these concerns by controlling them. Be comfortable in allowing your child to move freely both with his/her friends and at home.
Review your attitude towards your child until that day. Oppressive, protective, free or demo
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