Parents who care about their children's emotions, show interest and know their children's emotions are called "Emotion Coaches". Emotional coach parents guide their children on what to do and how to fight against the ups and downs of life.
They do not object or oppose their children's negative emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, resentment. They do not prefer not to see their children. Rather, they accept the negative emotions their children feel as a fact of life. And then, they see the moment when these feelings are experienced as an "opportunity" and use it to talk about this feeling with their children, to be with them and to guide them on how to cope with this feeling.
Research shows that: the moments when children are sad or angry. These are the moments when they need their parents the most. Children's ability to cope with their negative emotions may be limited and may vary from one to another. Parents who are unsuccessful in providing emotional intelligence to their children are divided into three groups:
Parents who do not take emotions into account ignore children's negative emotions or find them unimportant.
Emotions Disapproving parents criticize children who express negative emotions, and sometimes scold or punish them for their emotional expressions.
Parents who do not interfere with emotions and are overly tolerant accept and empathize with children's emotions. But they are insufficient to guide or limit behavior.
In summary, parents are divided into two groups: emotional coach parents and parents who cannot coach. So how will emotional coaching be implemented?
The emotional coaching process can be considered in five stages. Parents:
Recognize the child's emotion.
See the emotion as an opportunity to get closer and teach.
He listens with empathy and confirms the validity of emotions.
Helps the child find the right words to name the emotion.
While helping the child solve the problem, he also It sets boundaries.
When we look at the effects of emotional coaching; Children who receive frequent guidance about their emotions are healthier and more successful (than those who do not). Their relationships with their friends are better, they show less problematic behavior, and they are less involved in acts of violence. They experience negative emotions less than positive emotions and live as emotionally healthier individuals.
When the stages of emotional coaching are carried out regularly, parents and children get used to it and become competent in a short time. They recognize emotions more easily and are more willing to express them. While trying to solve their problems, children begin to realize the benefits of getting help from an emotional coach. When they have problems, they may seek out an emotional coach. But of course, emotional coaching does not mean that we will always be in calm waters. We encounter some difficulties and obstacles, and there are moments when we try to be in touch with the child's emotions and cannot receive any signal from him. I will soon talk about the methods we can use in times of congestion.
Parents' biggest responsibility; Listening to the child is defined as hearing not only the child's words but also the emotions behind the words. How do you hear your child?
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