Death is one of the inevitable realities experienced by all living things. When we evaluate death from a biological perspective, it is seen that the body or structure loses its vital activity, and especially in humans with high mental ability capacity, unlike other living things, it is seen that the concept of death is accompanied by many factors.
The loss experienced by the person during the death process and its natural result. Bereavement shakes many adults deeply. While this issue makes it difficult for even adults to adapt to life, when evaluated from the children's perspective, the child finds himself in confusion with the concept of death.
So, what can be done to help the child go through the mourning process in a healthier way?
The most basic The point is for the child to experience the mourning process in an age-appropriate and meaningful way. Waiting until time has passed since the death of a parent or other person further increases the child's anxiety and confusion. The news received after a certain period of time also shakes the child's sense of trust in other caregivers. The news of the death should be told in a reasonable manner, as soon as possible, in accordance with the child's age.
The news of the loss should be given by a person he trusts, in a place where the child feels safe. Before giving the news of death to the child, a sentence such as "I have to tell you sad news" should be made. Concrete and clear death news with simple sentences such as "He died" and "He passed away"; It should be explained with emphasis on the reason. If death occurred as a result of an illness, we can say that the child was very sick and died. If the child continues to ask questions, it should be explained to the child that the deceased will no longer be able to see, hear, breathe, and that his or her body will remain under the ground.
When explaining the death, such things as "He went to heaven", "He fell asleep", "God took him with him" are things that the child cannot make sense of. Abstract and incomplete information can further increase the child's anxiety and confusion. After such discourses, the child may develop negative feelings towards God and a negative attitude towards action such as sleeping. Especially for our children, the period until the age of 11 is, in Piaget's words, the period of concrete operations. Children during this period He operates by making inferences on the things he sees and comprehends; Therefore, it is useful to explain the news of death in a concrete language. During this period, self-centered mentality prevails in children; The child is focused on himself and thinks that he is the focal point of everything. We should point out that the death is not related to a behavior, a word or a thought that the child did or did not do.
Attending the funeral ceremony is beneficial if the child wishes. Funeral ceremonies contribute to concretizing the situation. When the child learns that the deceased is buried in the ground and visits the grave, he attributes a place and a place to the deceased, and this helps the child and the deceased to say goodbye. However, while ceremonies are necessary for the expression of emotions, it is necessary to make sure that when children participate in the ceremony, it will not cause them unnecessary stress.
Continuing the routines of the child's daily life as much as possible in order to adapt to life again after the funeral process will help the child feel safer and reduce the negative effects of the news of death. Looking at photographs of deceased people and visiting graves on certain days makes it easier for the child to express his feelings and make sense of the event.
When appropriate, talk about your own feelings about the loss and allow the child to talk about his feelings about death and funeral and share what he has experienced. Especially following the death process, behaviors such as thumb sucking, bedwetting, sleep disturbance, anxiety and fear may develop in children. If such symptoms are observed and do not decrease over time, it is useful to seek support from a mental health specialist.
Stay well..
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