1)Marriage means we are one person.
No. Marriage does not mean we are one person. There are two different individuals and two different personalities. Being squeezed into the same mold often creates boredom and tension. The main thing is to accept the differences and be together despite the differences. This can be possible by giving the spouse time to breathe, in other words, to express himself freely.
2)Marriage is a chance.
No. Marriage does not happen by accident or chance. People generally choose people they need to marry. For example; A woman whose father is addicted to alcohol and who is angry at her mother for this reason and chooses an alcohol-addicted person with thoughts and beliefs such as "you couldn't succeed" or "you couldn't fix my father"...
3) There is a miracle in marriage.< br /> People believe that everything will change when they get married. But the main thing is that marriage is just a signature and the person who is going to change or intends to change does not need such a signature anyway. Trying to change the other person or engaging in different endeavors (for example, giving birth to a child to save the marriage) does not help, and can sometimes cause much more serious problems.
4) You don't marry your spouse's family!
This is perhaps one of the biggest illusions in the marriage process. Especially when we consider the family structure in our society... A person who thinks that he did not marry his wife's family may be surprised and disappointed when he sees that he actually has to manage 3 people or even more.
5) If my spouse really loved me, he would be surprised and disappointed. He would do anything to make you happy!
It is impossible and wrong to establish a direct connection between your partner's love for you and what he does for you. Generally, people who think like this are people who have a negative attitude and are prone to depression when they are not approved or what they want is not done. Your partner doesn't have to do anything to show his love for you. Maybe he has another problem at the moment or what you want doesn't make sense to him. What's even more interesting is that people are less attracted to a partner who does everything...
6 )My spouse does not give me the value I deserve...
Rather than saying "My spouse does not give me the value I deserve", how you complete this sentence is important. If you use expressions such as "This means he doesn't love me" or "It means I am worthless" and retreat into your own shell; You have a serious problem. First of all, I would like to emphasize that the concepts of justice, rights and law are relative and do not exist in real terms. Naturally, wishing for a complex and incompletely defined concept to exist and having such an expectation will create nothing but distress, unhappiness and anger.
YOUR VALUE IS NOT DETERMINED BY THE BEHAVIOR OF YOUR SPOUSE OR ANY OTHER PERSON. If you tend to determine your personal value by the behavior of others or concepts such as money or success, and tend to be unhappy when these are not present; You may have personality traits such as trying to control everything, being achievement-oriented, or needing approval. This may be very challenging for you and it may be a better decision to start dealing with yourself.
7)Marriage ends the loneliness in our lives.
No, marriage does not end the loneliness in our lives. If it were like this, many married and depressed people would not apply to us...
8)Marriage is for everyone, it makes everyone happy.
There are people who have reached a certain age and are unhappy because they cannot get married; It's as if everything in life should proceed in a certain order. School ends and one starts worrying about when and who to marry. Some of us even worry about not being able to find someone in our senior year of university. Marriage happens; Now it is the children's turn. The first happens, and then the second question starts to be asked. On the other hand, the rush of work and the rush to achieve something in life keeps preoccupying us. There is always a queue and things to do never end. It's like the world ends when the order attributed to you or what you attribute to yourself is slightly different. Troubles begin; Then you hear the words "they have everything but they are not happy"... So, the secret is not being married
9) A couple who truly loves each other will never encounter big problems.
A couple who truly loves each other never has any big problems just k oca is a lie. Because what we encounter in life is not entirely in our hands and control. There may be a problem/s where there is a relationship. What is important is not whether there is a problem or not, but the attitude of the couple towards the problem.
10) My spouse knows all my needs without me telling them.
People who think and speak this way about their spouses are generally prone to being unhappy or having problems even if it seems like there is no problem at that moment. Because it is not always possible for a person to predict your needs 100%. Think about the person who knows you best. Your mother, a friend or a relative you consider very close. Has he never misled you? I am sure that; There were times when it misled you and made you feel bad.
Instead of "My partner knows all my needs", using expressions such as "My partner knows me", "He tries to understand me", "He does his best for me" will reduce your expectations and make you more confident. makes you happy and peaceful. You will experience fewer emotions such as disappointment, regret, and guilt, and you will establish a closer relationship with the other person.
11) If he cheats on me, don't let me know!
If you say so; There are either problems in that relationship or they are likely to arise in a short time. Because, on the one hand, you say, "My wife should not touch me, whatever she does." “The biggest danger in relationships is remaining insensitive to what is happening. When you do nothing, that relationship is already on the verge of deterioration. You don't have to be cheated on with someone else. Work, hobbies, or anything else may have taken your place…
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