Lack of love is one of the biggest problems of society. Wherever there is crime, violence, abuse, disease or divorce, there are definitely seeds of lovelessness.
Lovelessness causes more damage to families, which are the smallest unit of society. Because the seeds of lovelessness are first planted in the family.
The family should be the place where the child feels safe. A child who does not feel safe is fed by the seeds of lovelessness.
Shouting at the child, insulting and showing violence, comparing him/her with others and even humiliating him/her; Not kissing him, not hugging him enough, not saying nice words and not spending time are examples of the seeds of lack of love.
Every healthy parent undoubtedly loves his child and tries to meet his child's needs and care as much as he can, but can often overlook his child's spiritual needs. .
The main source of spiritual need is trust. The feeling that nourishes the feeling of trust is love. The channels of love are; touch (physical contact), nice words and actions that nourish the soul (feeling of worth), showing interest (giving time) and showing respect. (acceptance
So; "I can't spare much time for my child, I pressure him to study, sometimes I punish him for his mistakes, and sometimes I slap him a few times, but I love my child very much because I don't eat him, I feed him, I don't wear him, I dress him, I buy whatever he wants." The parent only meets the physical needs of his child.
Let's talk about the adult life of the child who grows up without love...
The adult who grows up without love often makes his wife and children feel his lack of love and reflects the negative emotions he experienced in his childhood to them in different ways at home. It can cause constant tension.
Generally, these spouses avoid hugging their spouses, are ashamed to say nice words to them, have difficulty showing behaviors that make their spouses feel valued, cannot be in harmony with their spouses, that is, they cannot go to bed together at the same time, nor can they sit at the table together. He can neither spare special time for his wife nor have a pleasant conversation with his wife, eye to eye.
The married life of these adults who grew up without love always revolves around bickering, arguing and fighting. After a while, he saw his wife, whom he married with love, as inadequate. and may constantly belittle him. He may also accuse his wife of being inconsistent. In fact, he is the one who is inadequate and incompatible. Because what pushes him to this thought is actually the unconscious conflict with his self. The trust-based love that he could not get enough from his parents and the childhood that he could not experience cause the conflict with himself. For this reason, an adult may either show physical/psychological violence to his family, neglect his children, or have to decide to divorce his wife due to his own psychopathology.
Unfortunately, this person may leave his home, which should be a garden of paradise, to hell for both himself and his family. . Because he may have difficulty in showing the love to his wife and children that he cannot receive in time. Its home that needs to be nourished with love; It can feed on tears, sadness, and unhappiness.
If you are married to such a person, know that; Your spouse is not fighting with you. All he cares about is himself. With his loveless past. Make him feel the trust he can't get with your love. Let him experience the childhood he couldn't experience right where he left off. Hug your spouse and never punish yourself with lack of love by walking away. Remember that; It is the spouse himself who treats a spouse or makes him sick.
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