The skills of making friends and maintaining these friendships are important not only for the child's social development but also for protecting his psychological health. Children experience how to initiate and maintain communication and solve a problem, such as playing a game or continuing a joint activity. Thus, the perception of the “other” develops. He begins to understand his friend's feelings and thoughts and weigh his own feelings and thoughts, taking into account the existence of the "other".
Why is Friendship Important?
Sense of belonging. It helps them gain a sense of value and develop self-confidence.
Being with people who share the same period and the same problems gives them a feeling of confidence and comfort.
Others' experiences are an important source of information for them.
It is the way of experiencing the identities, roles, values and understandings of others.
While friendships with the same sex are important until the age of approximately 11-12, they begin to communicate with the opposite sex in adolescence. This allows them to get to know the opposite sex.
Positive friendships are important in the journey to adulthood. Such as gaining social and emotional skills, understanding others' thoughts and being sensitive to them...
They take each other as models while spending time with their peers. They can change their hair, appearance and interests according to the group they belong to. This indicates that the need to be accepted, approved and trusted by a group is met.
The roles of families and friends are different from each other. While short-term choices become important in friendships, parents focus on long-term choices. The strong bond established with the child and the balanced harmony of the social skills the young person acquires through his friendships make him a strong, successful individual with high social skills in adulthood.
SHOULD FAMILIES SUPPORT THEIR CHILDREN'S MAKING FRIENDS?!
Family environment is the social environment where the child first gains a place in the world. The child also develops his first social skills here. Parents have an important role in socialization. The most important thing that families can do for their children is to maintain a loving, validating, accepting and respectful attitude. It is within m. This warm bond you have established will later enable him to take the first step with confidence in his future friendship experiences.
The fact that his family is also a good role model will also increase his social skills. The child observes how his parent communicates with others, his attitudes and behaviors. They take them as models. They learn the basic sense of trust and self-confidence for many basic social behaviors such as taking the first step, talking, meeting and sharing, joking, asking for help, cooperating, apologizing and accepting an apology. Moreover, they realize how important being patient, respectful and considerate is in organizing and maintaining relationships. Families can provide correct modeling with the attitudes and behaviors they show in their relationships with their friends.
You can find a few suggestions below to help your children develop healthier social relationship skills;
Create opportunities for them to spend time with their friends!
You can achieve this in many ways. For example; You can invite families to your home and create an opportunity for them to come together and interact while you chat. Or, if your child is older, you can support them to go to the movies or do sports with their friends. The more they interact, the more experience they will gain.
Ensure your children learn to play games and do sports!
Play games at home, too. Lose sometimes but not always! Seeing that you, as adults, can also make mistakes or lose will increase their sense of competence and contribute to the development of self-confidence. It would also be good for them to participate in in-school and out-of-school activities. However, leave it to their choice, as doing a sport they do not want or being forced to play may have opposite effects. When sending him to a sports course, our goal is not to become the star player there. The child should enjoy playing games.
Set clear rules for appropriate behavior!
Executing exemplary behavior in the family about how to treat others teaches the child how to behave with his/her own friends. Not asking for a pen without asking or having a problem such as choosing to talk before hitting when something goes wrong... When setting rules within the family, include the child so that he/she understands that rules are a necessity. Avoid being oppressive when he breaks a rule at home. On the contrary, be respectful, kind and also clear when explaining your expectations from him. This will enable him to approach his friend with the attitudes and behaviors that you model when he encounters a problem or thinks that he has been treated unfairly.
Teach your child how to handle different situations in different social environments!
This process Learning starts from early childhood. For example; You are taught to say thank you or please. This is a process, the more social environments it gets into, the more you need to reinforce it. It's like thanking the cashier while going to the town or grocery store or after any service you receive.
Sometimes, children may feel anxious and exhibit a shy attitude when entering a new or different environment. In such a situation, listen to their concerns first. Try to understand and express what you understand. An empathetic approach is always comforting. Then, you can brainstorm together on how to deal with this problem.
Talk to your child!
Make sure to spare a special time for your child every day. This should not be a time when you give advice or lecture, but just listen and chat. When your child is talking, be sure to listen. You can talk about how he spent his day, what he did, or something you both enjoyed. For example, make eye contact, use your approving facial expressions, and say words that allow him/her to evaluate what he/she is saying. Talking to your child will not only increase the bond you establish with him, but will also strengthen his ability to maintain a conversation, which is one of the most important social skills. In addition, he will review his own social skills once again while telling you about his experiences with his friends.
Help your child try to understand “how others see the world”!
Children around the age of 7-8 A cognitive skill that allows you to better understand the thoughts and feelings of others They reach the sink. If you talk to your child about different areas and situations of life, you can help these skills develop faster. For example, while reading a book with your child, stopping for a moment to ask what a character feels or thinks, or discussing the characters in that movie with a teenager while watching a movie, will enable them to develop different perspectives, question and re-analyze their negative emotions.
Help them cope and help them solve problems!
As we prepare our children for adulthood, remember that socialization skills are also a process! They will learn by trying on a long journey. Sometimes their behavior will be approved, sometimes it will be rejected and they will learn to regulate their own behavior again. These are not negative, they are process specific and healthy! It has to be experienced. From childhood to adolescence, from childhood to adolescence, trying to solve the problem before them whenever they have a problem can actually be harmful in the long run rather than helping them. From the moment they enter the business environment in adult life, they are left alone with themselves. Individuals who have developed problem-solving skills on their own will have the power to cope with negative emotions in negative situations, thanks to their self-confidence. Individuals who have not developed independent problem-solving skills may be individuals who cannot cope with their problems in adulthood and are left alone with learned helplessness.
If you hear that you are having a conflict with your child's friend, only take action if you see that it involves a risk or danger. Otherwise, "The problem is solved with the owner." Let them try to solve each other's problems with the principle of.
Don't worry! Every positive and negative experience he has will strengthen his social skills! Let him experience it!
For Our Children Who Have Difficulty Making Friendships;
We must know that all children are different. The expectation that they will all be extroverts and socialize with a large group is not a rational thought. If your child expresses it as a problem and you observe that he is having trouble;
Spend time with your family friends and your extended family. Remember, socialization skills are acquired first. The place is family. Being with people he knows and knowing and the increase in these shares will comfort him.
Individual factors may also cause him to have difficulty in making friends. Lack of self-confidence, shy attitude... While helping your child gain social skills, create realistic expectations, support even their efforts and small developments, encourage them, the biggest reward of the child's efforts will be the friendships he makes. Self-confidence is a feeling that will develop over time. In an article published by the American Psychologists Association, he said, "Self-confidence does not grow in a bowl." The hardest thing may be to be patient, but knowing that this is a process will make this patience easier.
In order for your child to become a competent and competent adult, ,
You can create your identity by making decisions, solving problems and understanding life values.
SOCIAL SKILLS ACCORDING TO DEVELOPMENTAL PERIOD
Pre-School and Social Skills During School Period
Preschool children tend to play with peers of the same gender, but this distinction becomes more evident in the primary school period. During this period, children become much closer to their fellow humans. Some differences are noticeable in the group structures of boys and girls. Girl groups are smaller and involve more talking, whereas boy groups are larger and involve more movement.
Thanks to the friendships he makes, the school-age child expands his horizons beyond the family, begins to gain experience about the outside world, and forms his self-image. and develops a social support system.
During the preschool years, play provides a gradual increase in the number of positive social interactions and joint activities that are the basis of friendship. Aggressive behavior increases between the ages of two and four; but then it decreases. In school age, rules and social roles become increasingly important and gender differences in social activities become evident. The permanence of friendships increases when children reach school age. While girls establish stronger relationships with a limited number of children, boys make friends with a larger number of children.
Peer friendships are very important during this stage.
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