Two Strangers in the Same House

-A MARRIAGE STORY-

Have you started to no longer tolerate your life partner, whom you couldn't stop seeing before marriage and wanted to talk to all the time? Does every sentence you say cause the other party to become defensive and fight? Have you become two strangers living in the same house? Is the only dialogue between you two about the children's deficiencies or their schools?

If your answer to these questions is yes, you are probably in a marriage that has not been going well for a long time and both parties are tired of trying and just let it go. So, how did that relationship, in which you got along well before marriage and had no fights, become like this over the years?

People are born, grow up, and decide to get married when they reach a certain age. For some, marriage is an escape from the family environment, for some it is a social duty, such as going to the military or getting a job, or for some it is a decision to live with the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. Regardless of the purpose, when we think of marriage, we think of two people coming together to establish a family before the law. Marriage is actually a living order that has its own ups and downs, difficulties and conveniences, and in which both couples must work hard. So, how do couples make mistakes, so that marriages that go well at first become inextricable and unbearable over time?

The most common thing we encounter in marriage problems is that couples blame each other and state that the other party is at fault. However, if marriage is a union that must always be improved, it is necessary to raise the question of what can be done for this marriage, without looking for right or wrong, guilty or innocent, for both parties. It is seen that the most common problems experienced by couples in their relationships are communication, inadequacy in problem solving, failure to express emotions, trying to communicate in an accusatory, belittling and defensive manner, families of origin frequently intervening in the marriage process, lack of cooperation in the care and responsibilities of children, and financial issues.

While the skill of speaking is the most beautiful talent given to us humans, we often encounter problems without speaking within marriage. We expect the party to understand many things and take action. Since we do not have the superpower of reading thoughts, spouses can approach each other with the attitude of 'they need to understand' and remain upset for days. So, what should be done?

First of all, if you do not want problems that cannot be solved within the marriage, communicate with each other. Statements such as 'I don't have time, I'm too tired' are not valid reasons to do this. Asking each other "How was your day?" when you come home in the evening, listening to each other by making eye contact while talking, and not responding to conversations with judgmental sentences such as "I told you so" or "why didn't you do this" are good steps to take in terms of communication.
Secondly, try to spend time with each other. What we are talking about is not spending the whole day or night together, but spending even 15 minutes with each other during the day, talking and hugging your partner with all your attention, without television or phone, is one of the best things that will be good for your relationship.
Thirdly, if you have children, you are a family created by them. Your family before marriage is your family of origin. Families of origin frequently merging into the nuclear family and giving guidance without being asked about what to do can lead to major problems between spouses. On this issue, spouses need to set a limit on this situation by talking to their families of origin. This is not about being upset with your family of origin and not talking to them. However, every family and couple has its own rules, habits and balance. When a third person intervenes in the relationship between the couple, no matter how well-intentioned, that balance is disrupted and the marital relationship begins to suffer.
Fourthly, there are definitely problems in marriages, but the important thing is to try to solve these problems without covering them up. When solving problems in marriage, couples come together and ask "What is our problem?" What can he do to solve this problem? What are our duties? It would be useful for them to ask questions like these.
Fifthly, most couples' relationships began to deteriorate with the birth of their children, and they gradually began to move away from each other. He says that they are dating and that they don't even sleep in the same bed anymore. The real problem here is that spouses forget that they are husband and wife after the birth of a child and only take on the role of mother and father. A person can be a parent, a spouse, a child, a man and a woman, all at the same time. However, getting too caught up in one of these roles causes the other one to fail. Most of the time, we see couples around us who are too absorbed in their roles as parents after the birth of the child, but neglect their roles as spouses, and therefore experience problems in their marriage. In order to prevent this situation, it is important for couples to make time for each other. It will be gratifying to know and see that children have parents who spend time with each other.

Every marriage relationship is unique. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try in your marriage, there will be times when you feel that you cannot solve your problems and that you are overwhelmed and that you are getting closer to the end. In times like these, getting help from a specialist who practices couple therapy is a useful step to take for your marriage.

-A MARRIAGE STORY-

Everything you couldn't stop seeing before getting married. Are you starting to not be able to tolerate your life partner that you want to talk to at the moment? Does every sentence you say cause the other party to become defensive and fight? Have you become two strangers living in the same house? Is the only dialogue between you about the children's deficiencies or their schools?

If your answer to these questions is yes, you are probably in a marital relationship that has not been going well for a long time and both parties are tired of trying and just let it go. So, how did that relationship, in which you got along well before marriage and had no fights, become like this over the years?

People are born, grow up, and decide to get married when they reach a certain age. For some, marriage is an escape from the family environment, for some it is a social duty, such as going to the military or getting a job, or for some it is a decision to live with the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. For whatever purpose When we think of marriage, we think of two people coming together for the purpose of establishing a family before the law. Marriage is actually a living order that has its own ups and downs, difficulties and conveniences, and in which both couples must work hard. So, how do couples make mistakes, so that marriages that go well at first become inextricable and unbearable over time?

While the ability to speak is the most beautiful skill given to us humans, most of the time in marriage, we expect the other party to understand many things and take action without speaking. Since we do not have the superpower of reading thoughts, spouses can approach each other with the attitude of 'they need to understand' and remain upset for days. So, what should be done?

First of all, if you do not want problems that cannot be solved within the marriage, communicate with each other. Statements such as 'I don't have time, I'm too tired' are not valid reasons to do this. Asking each other "How was your day?" when you come home in the evening, listening to each other by making eye contact while talking, and not responding to conversations with judgmental sentences such as "I told you so" or "why didn't you do this" are good steps to take in terms of communication.
Secondly, try to spend time with each other. What we are talking about is not spending the whole day or night together, but devoting even 15 minutes to each other during the day, talking and hugging your partner with all your attention without television or phone will be good for your relationship. It is one of the beautiful things.
Thirdly, if you have children, you are a family created by them. Your family before marriage is your family of origin. Families of origin frequently merging into the nuclear family and giving guidance without being asked about what to do can lead to major problems between spouses. On this issue, spouses need to set a limit on this situation by talking to their families of origin. This is not about being upset with your family of origin and not talking to them. However, every family and couple has its own rules, habits and balance. When a third person intervenes in the relationship between the couple, no matter how well-intentioned, that balance is disrupted and the marital relationship begins to suffer.
Fourthly, there are definitely problems in marriages, but the important thing is to try to solve these problems without covering them up. When solving problems in marriage, couples come together and ask "What is our problem?" What can he do to solve this problem? What are our duties? It would be useful for them to ask questions like these.
Fifthly, most couples say that their relationships started to deteriorate with the birth of their children, they gradually started to move away from each other, and they do not even sleep in the same bed anymore. The real problem here is that spouses forget that they are husband and wife after the birth of a child and only take on the role of mother and father. A person can be a parent, a spouse, a child, a man and a woman, all at the same time. However, getting too caught up in one of these roles causes the other one to fail. Most of the time, we see couples around us who are too absorbed in their roles as parents after the birth of the child, but neglect their roles as spouses, and therefore experience problems in their marriage. In order to prevent this situation, it is important for couples to make time for each other. It will be gratifying to know and see that children have parents who spend time with each other.

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