With the earthquake disaster, the question of how to explain death to children was included in our agenda. Although it is difficult to explain and understand death at any age, it becomes even more sensitive when it comes to children. We want to learn what we can do so that children do not experience trauma and are less affected. Many people may have different approaches when explaining death to children. Some families are able to take their children away from the house of mourning while they are suffering. Some families also tell the child that the deceased has gone away and will come back. While there are many different discourses, I want to talk about what is right for the child.
While death is an unbearable situation for adults, we can worry about children's coping, and therefore we can break away from reality when talking about death. If we really tell about death or use the concept of death, we think that the child will be affected more, and we can make up unrealistic scenarios that gloss over the situation. But are these scenarios really better for kids? Unfortunately not.
When a child's mother, father, or loved one dies, the person who needs to talk to the child about death should be someone the child loves and trusts. The person to tell about the loss should not be a psychologist or someone the child does not trust. This person said, “Do you know the story of the trees? The seeds turn into saplings, and then the seedlings grow and bloom. They can then shed their leaves on the trees and dry up. So is human life. I have some very sad news to share with you. It's hard for me to say that either. Unfortunately, person (x) died. This means that his body has stopped working and we will never see him again. People are born and grow up. Some people die younger, some die older. We cannot change that.” We need to express death directly and honestly to the child, as in this example. The use of the word "dead" is important. It can be difficult for adults to say that he died, so we can make sentences like we lost, he became an angel, he went to work, he will come back and he is watching you from above. These sentences should not be used because they may send the message that the deceased may return for children and make it difficult for the child to accept this process. Also, a sentence like watching you from above continues in the child. It can cause many events such as looking up and not being able to change easily due to the thought of being watched, not taking a bath. As a result, we cannot reduce or increase pain with our words. That's why we need to be honest and transparent with children of all ages.
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