This year, the expected time has come and more than three million students will take the Higher Education Institutions Exam (YKS). During these periods, you will read many news, listen to many speeches, and you will be exposed to a lot of information about what to do and what not to do in these last days when the exam is approaching.
Most of this information will be about how students and their families can manage their anxiety about the exam. I would like to touch on how YKS has become a source of stress and anxiety that is difficult to manage in the lives of young people and their families these days.
EXAM IS NOT WAR
First of all, the main reason why this exam causes intense anxiety in children is that These are the meanings that begin at an early age and are shaped in the mind of the child. In this respect, we can say that there are two wrong types of messages given to children. First of all, it is to define this exam as a turning point in life for children, a situation that they will have "lost" if they are not successful as a result, an obstacle they must overcome in order to reach happiness and peace in their future lives. Constantly giving such messages to the child can lead to worrisome beliefs about exams and academic success. In this way, the child actually interprets the exam as the determinant of the success of his life, of his whole future, rather than seeing it as a step towards a goal he aims to be successful at. When the exam period comes, the exam turns into a battle of not being a loser in life, rather than being a test for that young person.
THE LIFE GOALS NEED TO BE DETERMINED
The anxiety of losing his life and future is extremely high. Just in this case, the natural and healthy anxiety felt towards the exam turns into an unhealthy and difficult to deal with. However, instead of talking with our children about the place and importance of the exam in life, we should talk about what they want to do in life, their goals, the importance of their goals, and the ways to reach these goals; Focusing and preparing them for what they want to do, not the exam, can be more motivating to study for the exam and can help reduce the excessive anxiety created by the exam. The exam is essentially based on specific objectives. It is a necessity, a stage in the steps taken to reach it. Rather than teaching the place of the exam in life, it will be much more useful to talk about the importance of goals and objectives in life, and to grasp/understand that the exam is a tool to reach the goal. It is the family's use of being successful in the exam or academic success as a prerequisite for being a loved and valued child. Most of the time, the family uses this message to motivate the child to study. However, they are not aware of the risky message underlying this behavior pattern. The approval and love of the family is extremely valuable for children. In childhood, when the definitions of self are formed, the child's perceptions of who he is and his value begin to take shape. Children who are constantly loved if they are successful in school and exams, who are praised for their successful peers, and who are compared to them because they are unsuccessful and hear that they are better children, may begin to see academic success as a necessity in order to be loved and valued in life. In this case, being successful in the exam can no longer be seen as a way to enter an academic evaluation and move on to higher education, but as a test of being a valuable person, a respected person, a loved person in life. Again in this case, the natural and motivating anxiety created by the exam turns into an unhealthy and insurmountable anxiety of the risk of losing all the value of the child, being worthless and being unloved in case of failing the exam. The result of failing an exam is no longer about achieving goals, but about not being loved and valued as a human being. While parents essentially want their children to progress on a more successful career path, using their love and approval as a motivating tool, they actually complicate their career journey with such messages. it is an academic performance, whether this performance is good or bad cannot be a criterion that determines the value of the individual and the love he deserves, and the meanings that determine the value of life. In this respect, academic success It is important to be aware of what kind of beliefs we instill in our children with what we say when it comes to important exams such as Do not forget that while our child is progressing by taking the appropriate steps towards their goals, it will be much more helpful for them to evaluate the situation they are in and to make correct definitions of the situation.
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