Fear is a reaction that occurs in the face of danger and is vital and aimed at protecting living things. As it is a part of normal development, it helps the person avoid dangers. Additionally, it is a common condition from infancy to adolescence. Research shows that children are afraid of anything at some point in their development, to varying degrees, intensities and durations. As the child's development continues, the situations and objects he fears vary depending on his age. The important point is the duration of this fear and whether it is appropriate for the age period.
WHAT ARE CHILDREN AFRAID?
Childhood years are the years when the foundations of physical, mental, social and emotional development in human life are laid. The child tries to get to know his environment, understand the relationships around him in his own way, gain a perspective on events and interpret events. During this development process, feelings of fear and anxiety begin to take shape depending on the environmental conditions the child is in.
Fear and anxiety are emotions that we all experience at certain times in our lives. Children can experience these feelings from time to time, just like us adults.
In the first year after birth, babies are sensitive to loud and sudden sounds. Separation from parents, strangers and new environments are sources of fear.
At the age of 2-4, children are very sensitive to separation and loss. Fears of being alone, darkness, and animals such as snakes and dogs are evident in children of this age.
Preschool children are also afraid of the dark, imaginary creatures, thieves, and people who will kidnap them.
6 After age, more realistic fears such as school fears and performance fears emerge. Fears about school may continue in the future. Social fears and fears about harm to the body come to the fore. Meanwhile, fears about imaginary creatures gradually decrease.
Fear is a protection mechanism and a normal part of development. Thanks to this feeling, children learn to adapt to their environment and keep themselves away from dangerous situations. Although fear sometimes affects the flow of our lives positively, experiencing this feeling too intensely and frequently can become challenging and distressing for the person. lyre. It is an important issue for families to be able to distinguish when this situation is within acceptable limits and when it is a situation that needs to be emphasized.
Anxiety occurs when we cannot predict the outcome of an event or when we are not sure that the outcome will be as we want. and emotional state that causes tension. Children carry some anxiety even in the best of circumstances. When a child begins to overestimate risks and underestimate his or her ability to handle certain situations, his or her anxiety level becomes distressing for him or her and those around him or her. Anxiety can sometimes lead to some physical complaints in children. Sometimes it reduces academic success and school attendance, and sometimes it can weaken family and friend relationships.
Fear and anxiety have many faces. Some children appear clearly stressed, others hide their anxiety under a blanket and worry silently. Some people express this anxiety externally in the form of anger.
It is difficult to diagnose anxious children if they do not cause chaos or discomfort in the classroom and family environments with their anxiety symptoms. It is often thought that anxious children need some relief and their situation is ignored.
If we look at the causes of fear and anxiety, we see that anxiety, like all states of children, arises from the combination of many factors. In addition to the characteristics inherent in the child such as genetic structure and temperament, environmental situations such as parental approaches and traumatic events can also be considered among the factors that cause anxiety.
Although, as parents, we need to control many things about our child. In fact, factors that develop in the course of life beyond our control also affect our child. Such as genetic structure, temperament and good and bad events experienced…
The Effect of Parental Attitudes on Children's Fears and Anxiety:
Research shows that families of anxious children often say; Families that are coercive, limit independence and freedom in conversations, exhibit overly cautious or protective behavior without any reason, encourage the child's avoidance behavior even more, and tolerate such behavior shows that it is. In addition, it supports the child's independence and self-confidence; attaches importance not only to the results but also to the child's efforts and partial successes; It is observed that the anxiety level of children is lower in families that can control their own worries.
Parents may knowingly or unknowingly cause children to acquire some fears. They tell them not to run out into the street, stick a screw in an electrical outlet, or go out while thunder is thundering. While such warnings enable the child to protect himself, they also help parents, who feel more at ease, to leave their children more free. These behaviors, which are naturally expected of every parent, when combined with the child's temperament or the traumatic events he or she has experienced, can result in a child with a high level of anxiety.
We can make this situation more concrete with an example. Let's imagine a mother who takes her child to the dentist. In front of our eyes, from the moment the child sits on the seat, we circle around the child to make sure he is okay, constantly asking "Does it hurt now? Are you okay? Are you not afraid? Look, I'm here...", defined by some experts as the "Helicopter Family". Let's visualize the example. When such an approach is made to the child, he may have the perception of "I think there is something I should be worried about right now" in a situation where he would not be afraid under normal circumstances, and may begin to show truly anxious reactions.
The parent's questions and attitude cannot be the sole cause of the child's anxiety level. Although we don't know, studies show that family interaction can increase an anxious child's perceptions of a situation. While parents try to protect their children from possible dangers, they may unintentionally draw the child's attention to those dangers. After a while, the child who internalizes this perspective generally begins to perceive events that will threaten his safety and direct his attention more in this direction.
When your child is worried about a subject or experiences an event that brings existing fears to the surface, he/she begins to feel may ask you many questions to reassure you; But what you usually experience is what The more you answer, the harder it is to satisfy him. The questions will become increasingly more detailed.
We think the suggestions we give below will help you in these situations.
- When parents begin to see that concerns are “nobody's fault,” children do not feel like their feelings are being questioned or judged. , they feel accepted. Understanding your child's anxiety means accepting it as it is. Accepting your child is not the key to closing the door to change, it is actually the key to opening it wide.
- Give concrete answers to the questions as much as possible. The important thing is not that the answers be complete and detailed enough to be given to an adult, but that they are clear and simple enough for your child to understand. Tell the truth; but to some extent… Consider his age level and emotional needs when informing him.
- Always start with questions from your child. Ask him what he knows, what he thinks, or what he heard about the situation. This allows you to add as much as necessary to what the child knows.
- Information that seems very cliché to us can be very comforting for the child, even if it has been told many times before. “Your grandmother is a little sick, but the doctors are taking good care of her.” , “You are safe, I will always protect you.”
- Respect the fear your child feels, no matter how old he is. Yelling, mocking, or ignoring his fear will cause the fear process to prolong.
- You can learn relaxation techniques, have him apply them, and then help him reduce his tension by doing the same.
- Understanding the main source of his fear. work. When he calms down after the crying or crisis moments have passed, chat about this issue or ask him to draw a picture that expresses his feelings.
- If he has fears that you can experience together, support him by standing next to him and help him get through this process. For example, if he is afraid of the dark, you can hold hands and stand together in the dark and assure him that nothing will happen.
The child can easily understand his parents' concerns. For this reason, listen calmly when he talks about the event or objects he is afraid of, avoid giving excessive reactions that will trigger his fear. Avoid it.
- You can help him find the humorous aspects of the objects he is afraid of and make fun of them. For example, you can draw a picture of the monster he is afraid of and make it funny by decorating it.
- You can allow the child to enter different environments, be with people and get to know the environment, and help the child become individualized without being too protective while he is experiencing these new experiences.
- Telling scary fairy tales to children, allowing them to watch horror movies and play computer games with a lot of violent elements can also increase their fears.
As a result, the way fears are seen in children varies with age and gender. However, not every fear may be a "problem" and it will decrease over time. As parents become aware of the child's intense fears and anxieties that restrict their emotional spontaneity, they can take steps to reduce them. If you observe intense anxiety and fears that will disrupt the child's quality of life, it would be useful to consult a specialist.
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