'A Different Perspective on Narcissism'
There was something different from the thinking of that day in Colin Falconer's work 'When We were God', which I read in high school. While this novel presented perspectives on Cleopatra's life, it also touched upon some situations and issues about Julius Caesar. Of course, novels consist of fiction and also contain elements of historical unreality. But it made me feel that he was talking about the course of historical events and the feelings of a ruler, albeit a novel, with perhaps the most accurate perspective estimate possible. Because narcissism is like a coin with many different faces. The origin of the word dates back to ancient Greek Mythology. A young man named Narcissus, a very handsome hunter, falls in love with all the women who see him, but does not respond to any of them. One day, while Narcissus was hunting in the forest, the fairy named Echo saw him and fell in love with him. Echo can't talk to humans, she only repeats the last words they said. Whenever he wants to talk to Narcissus, he repeats the last word of what he said and cannot communicate. Enraged by these things, Zeus orders Narcissus to fall into the same situation and says, "He who cannot love anyone else, let him love himself". Again, one day, while wandering in the forest to hunt, Narcissus stumbles upon a lake. To quench his thirst, he approaches the lake and sees his own reflection there for the first time. Narcissus, fascinated by his own reflection, cannot leave and is exhausted by watching his own reflection for days. Finally, he falls into the lake, falling into an endless sleep from hunger, exhaustion and weakness, and dies by drowning. Then, according to legend, his body appears on the lake as a daffodil flower. This story of the young Narcissus, whose life ended by drowning in the lake, is very important for us. Perhaps because Narcissus' narcissism was related to his never seeing himself in external reality—for example, through a mirror—and it was part of this process that we call primary narcissism. But here, the necessity of Narcissus to establish an objective communication world with objects as an adult, despite not seeing himself through a mirror before, is not met. It also opened the doors of secondary narcissism and prepared its sad end. Just like the babies themselves and the outside world; such as the fact that they cannot recognize the world of objects, so there is no interest and orientation towards the outside. In fact, babies realize that there is a world outside of them after a while; It is not what it is, what libido - as Freud calls it, means life energy - where it should be directed, it should be directed. Realizing all these occurs after a certain maturity and awareness. The story of Narcissus in Greek Mythology has also been the origin of many concepts in medicine; neurosis, narcosis, narcissistic personality disorder etc.
Now, let's take a look at narcissism, which we hear frequently from these concepts these days, and sometimes even has a core in us and sometimes complicates our lives by having such partners and friends. narcissism; Freud, who explained it as the transfer of libido, which should be attributed to external objects, to the ego, briefly explained Zeus' command 'who cannot love others, let him love himself' within the framework of psychoanalytic systematics. People with narcissistic personality disorder may exhibit aggressive and manipulative attitudes when they are ostracized and criticized in their social lives. Any reaction or criticism from the environment; It can make the person feel underestimated, unimportant, not special or important, or even humiliated. This can cause a person with narcissistic personality disorder to become depressed, exhibit impulsive behaviors, and experience anger-related problems.
In communication with a narcissist, neither himself nor the other person nor the relationship is important-valuable. There are only goal-directed behaviors aimed at gaining self-interest and satisfaction. In the meantime, a narcissist can make you feel very valuable, indispensable, unique and perfect for a certain period of time, but after consuming enough of the existing energy, he gives up on this because it is no longer necessary to act towards the goal, the desired has been achieved. It is difficult to live with a narcissist, yes he is a consumer. In fact, we sometimes see this psychopathology as a feature attributed to the other party by people who talk about ending relationships and compelling communications. oji, that is, narcissism. However, it is also necessary to take a look at people who choose to live with a narcissist in the first place, who continue to live with a narcissist, or who always seek and carefully find a narcissist, or who are simply attracted to narcissists. Because although the role of victim and victim is widely accepted in our country, we as adults bear the responsibility of making a prediction about the omissions and mistakes by focusing on our choices, their consequences and repetitive cycles. Of course, we can have some situations, coincidences, out-of-control experiences. However, those other than this may inform us as much as they reveal the psychopathological background of the other person. For example; The narcissist-borderline couple is like poles of magnets that find and attract each other. Since they are both made of the same material, they are similar to a certain extent, but they are so opposite-different due to the characteristics and needs they display. The borderline looks for a structure that it can wrap around like a ivy, where it can lead a semi-parasitic life, while the narcissist introduces himself as a plane tree and invites the ivy to wrap around him, even though it is actually hollow and rootless like a water cane. Thinking that they can hold on to each other and survive in storms, this couple shakes and hurts each other the most. There are many different aspects of the narcissist and borderline relationship and it is a topic in itself, of course, but it should not be forgotten that a mature adult is more interested in me rather than the sentences that begin with the other person. Because he knows that the field and power of change belongs to him. We wish to realize and undertake our responsibilities with a mature adulthood. Be kind yourself, goodbye.
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