It is very important that we explain the death and mourning process correctly to children whose imaginations are extremely wide. We must convey to the child, using extremely careful words and plain language, about this difficult process that affects even us adults. Giving concrete examples will help the child understand this process better. Before explaining death through people, we can talk about other examples of events in nature. For example, you might mention a deceased pet or plant. You can buy your child a goldfish and bury it with him after he dies. Having such experiences makes your child more prepared for sudden losses.
If the person you lost is a relative, you should never hide the situation from your child. It is important to explain why you are gathering at the funeral home and that the deceased will no longer be with you and will not come back. To talk to your child, a quiet, calm environment where you can be alone and where he feels safe should be preferred. And just saying he died when explaining the situation is not descriptive enough for children who do not know the concept of "death". You can say that the dead person can no longer breathe, walk around, and that you will never see him again.
Things You Should Not Say That Will Confuse the Child;
- 'He is now in a deep sleep. and he won't wake up.' This means that it may cause your child to be afraid of sleep and have sleep problems.
- 'God wanted to take him with him.' This means that he may feel anger towards God and his inability to make sense of something abstract that he cannot see may cause confusion.
- If you say that he could not recover because he got sick and died, it may lead to the idea that everyone who gets sick will die. You can say that some diseases are difficult to cure and these diseases can end people's lives, but many people go to the doctor when they get sick and get better.
- If you say that he got too old and that's why he died; When a young person dies, it will cause confusion in the child. Sometimes people's lives may end as they get older, sometimes as a result of accidents and serious illnesses, and you can tell your child that everyone's life will end one day.
- More details about death than the child can understand. Be careful not to give too much detail.
After all this information transfer, the child may probably ask whether he/she will die one day or whether you will die. When faced with this question, you can say in a very affectionate manner that you all think that you are healthy now and that you will have a good life together.
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