A common saying of parents is "my child does not tell me anything, I hear from his friends what he is going through at school". So why don't children tell their parents even the most ordinary events they experience?
When it comes to children, we always look at events from our own perspective. Well, let's do it like this: think of yourself as an adult. With whom do you share your experiences? What are your basic criteria when explaining even the most ordinary, simplest events to someone? Being understood, not being judged, feeling safe, finding support... We, as adults, look for these things when sharing. So, do we provide these to our children? As an adult, do we think we know everything and just give them advice or deal with other things? While all this is happening, it is not possible for children to come and tell us about their experiences. A child who feels that he is not understood inhibits his language.
So how can we listen to children?
First of all, by moving away from all stimuli. “Right now it's just you and me. I don't care about other things. I'm just here for you. To listen and understand you.” It is necessary to give the message.
Reading the body. Parents know that every emotion creates a different physical reaction in the child. Some people's cheeks turn red when they get excited, some people's movement speed increases when they get angry, and some become introverted when they get sad. It is necessary to observe and reflect these indirect messages well. Without making any suggestions or asking long questions, just observing him well and giving feedback by making him feel that you understand him. “Your cheeks are red, I think something happened that bothered you today, I see that you are very active, someone must have made you angry, the picture in your hand looks very colorful, I think you did a coloring activity at school today.” Reflecting emotions not only gives the child the message that he/she is understood, but also enables him/her to explain things at length.
Children are good observers. Will he get angry with me if I tell him about this now? Will he be with me? Will he punish me? They constantly observe their parents. If the parent's behavior does not inspire trust, the child cannot tell his parents what he is experiencing.
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