Realizing that I felt lonely despite the crowd I was in, realizing that I couldn't trust people, noticing my uneasiness in the idle times, realizing how I lost hope even though everything seemed to be going well from the outside... In the morning of every night I tried to cope with all these feelings by drinking alcohol, I had nothing. The most painful thing was to see that things had not changed. Yes, my family and friends were with me, but there was a problem somewhere. The feeling of loneliness was haunting me. I wanted to hope, I tried every way, but the place I reached was always the same. My full awareness began after I barely broke up with my boyfriend, who was violent towards me throughout our one-year relationship. It was as if I was afraid of my father as he threw the phone at my head. I was a seven-year-old child then. My father was a man who got angry easily and used violence against me and my mother. I don't remember how many times I was beaten while trying to protect my mother from her. You never know when he will get angry, so it would not be possible to escape from his grip. However, I was smaller. I wasn't strong enough to resist him. While trying to understand how I could have caused this anger and aggression in him, I blamed myself. My child mind told me that I was not worth loving. My feelings approved. Now, as I trace these feelings, I know that I am not very happy where I am, and that alcohol only consoles me.
With early childhood experiences, we decide what the world is like and acquire some beliefs about ourselves. In case of childhood trauma, the child is inflicted by parents, caregivers or other adults around him; has been exposed to a traumatic experience that will hinder their emotional, physical or mental development. Encountering traumatic life events during this period may fundamentally shake the child's trust in the world and cause him/her to think that the world is unfair and devoid of meaning. This insecure attachment style adopted at an early age causes detrimental effects on the child's physical and mental health later in life.
Physical, emotional, sexual abuse and neglect are among the traumatic experiences of childhood. Unfortunately, in our country and abroad, children who are victims of abuse and neglect carry the scars of these traumatic experiences into adulthood and may even lose their lives. Psychiatric disorders that may occur due to negative childhood life experiences include depression, anxiety disorders, dissociative disorders, alcohol and substance use disorders, personality disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. High suicidal tendencies and self-destructive behaviors may be observed. A child exposed to trauma may hold himself/herself responsible for the trauma and acquire feelings such as guilt, worthlessness, imperfection, and hopelessness and carry these feelings into adulthood. As a result, individuals who have difficulty in verbally expressing negative experiences can recognize and express their emotions. It can also cause non-psychiatric disorders such as fibromyalgia, sexually transmitted diseases, chronic lung diseases and central nervous system diseases. It is obvious that the development of a healthy society depends on how healthy the early life experiences of individuals are. Let's realize that children need strong emotions such as basic trust, compassion, love, self-esteem, and that they are individuals too. Let's not forget that the strongest recovery path for neglected and abused individuals is to prevent their own children from experiencing the traumatic experiences they were exposed to in their childhood, and the real recovery will begin at this point. Let's stand against abuse and neglect.
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