Of course, it is our greatest wish to have healthy and happy members of the family. First of all, it is necessary to be a good team within the family. Of course, the communication and relationships between parents and adults at home, if any, are reflected on our child. The child is not alone. If the family is a system, it is also a part of the system. And he is an individual too. We said before that we should start from ourselves. If we bring our own internal dynamics into balance and if we can always adjust this balance well in our communication and relationships with our children, I think we will have done the most part of the job.
Work life makes us very tired and we may not be able to spare quality time. One of our clients came one day and said, "When I get off work, I spend almost all my time with my child, but I cannot make him happy." When I said, "Can you tell me what you did?", the following picture emerged. “I was watching a movie I liked. He was also playing with his toys. Actually, I made time for that too. We played with his toys all night. I also talked on the phone from time to time, but I always answered his questions.
I told him; It is enough to spend 15-20 quality minutes with your child in the evenings. How to spend quality time. If you listen as an active listener, by making eye contact, showing that you are listening, and giving feedback, both the child will be happier and you will have a better quality time.
It is necessary to meet their wishes and needs until the age of 2-2.5. After a while, it is necessary to put your wants and needs in order. It is necessary to set limits. Not being able to say no causes dissatisfaction. We turn to raising children. Raising a child begins, first of all, with giving him love and trust.
How can we make a child happy? This answer requires a perspective other than just meeting their needs and desires. If we know how to make a child unhappy, we should first stay away from such behavior. Because we will reap what we sow at this age in the future. We will reap what we sow. If we want a child who cannot express himself, who has low self-confidence and self-esteem, we should constantly criticize him and not always intervene in what he does and say that you are a child, you cannot do it.
If the child has plans such as bedtime, television watching time, socializing time, etc. Since the rules have been determined in advance, the child will not object to them and will have developed his knowledge and skills throughout the day.
The fact that he always wins while playing a game is a situation that has nothing to do with reality. We must be able to balance this. You can lose, then you win.
We have a divine duty as parents. Being consistent. Teaching cooperation, not competition. The sense of cooperation is integrative, instructive and involves respect.
Also, our expectations are to expect from the child what we cannot do ourselves, and a certain amount of expectation is good. However, when we exceed this, it creates an element of pressure on the child.
The individual wants to feel important and valuable. He wants to accomplish a job and receive appreciation. The child is doing a job, placing the plates. Let him do it, even if he breaks one, let it break. Supervised control creates a space of freedom for the child. Because they will learn by doing, not by telling them.
Appreciation plays an important role in reinforcing behaviors and their self-esteem to some extent. Most of all, people want to learn something about themselves. Let's give an example. Let's say the child surprised you and prepared breakfast. But while doing this, he made a bit of a mess. What should we say to him?
-Burak, it was a nice surprise for me that you prepared the breakfast. This is an extremely thoughtful and thoughtful behavior.
-Burak, you prepared the breakfast, thank you, but you messed up everything.
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-Burak, I can't believe it, you are such a wonderful, extraordinary and intelligent child.
First of all, the language we use should be correct, we should praise without exaggeration, we should not criticize while thanking. We can describe it in a more appropriate language.
We can say that individuals who are happy, have high self-confidence, and are able to respect themselves and others have a happy childhood.
We experience many bitter and sweet experiences throughout our lives. We experience bad, beautiful and ugly, loving and loveless moments. The important thing is to keep our peace of mind even in these moments.
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