I have a saying that those who know me closely know: "I don't pity myself the most in life"... If I had, I wouldn't have achieved what I have today. They say that I am 'tough' both in my family and in my business and social life. Far from thinking that I am tough, I think that I treat people as they deserve.I work in a managerial position in the company I work for.
I had a problem with one of the employees a few days ago. We held a meeting for an important project. Even though all the staffwho were going to attend knew, one of them was late. The explanation is; They thought that his pregnant wife had started labor pains, but when they went to the hospital, they found out that it was not labor pains. So he had made mistake after mistake. I thought he should be punished and I informed my superiors. I believe they did what was necessary because I can't stand being treated like a fool. While talking about this incident to my wife, a memory I had with my father comes to my mind. I was eight years old. One of the days when the vase inherited from my grandmother was standing in all its glory on the coffee table in the middle of the living room, my friend and I had the courage to enter this forbidden room. The expected happened and the vase broke while playing. I can't forget my father coming home and seeing the broken vase. Even though my mother wanted to prevent me, she put me outside the door in my pajamas in the evening. I had to be punished so that I wouldn't make the same mistake again. I don't remember how many minutes I waited at that door, but I remember how ashamed I was. It worked. I never made the same mistake again.
If you think that the people around you and, when necessary, yourself should be clearly punished for the mistakes you made, one of the reasons for this experience is “punitiveness”. scheme…
This schema causes you to be intolerant of mistakes made. Even if the other person has good intentions, you may not realize it. He sees that positive effects emerge if certain points we need in our childhood are met in order to become adults who adapt well to life. upset. So it doesn't have to be perfect. The answer to the question of what a child needs for his development actually lies in a number of universal needs that every person needs to meet.
A child primarily needs to feel safe, have autonomy, self-esteem, self-expression, realistic boundaries and other needs. The child needs to feel connected to others. If these are met, the child's psychology progresses healthily. If it is missing; Early maladaptive schemas formed by the damaging effect of these unmet needs develop throughout life. These are our core beliefs about ourselves that are difficult to change. They are self-destructive patterns that begin in childhood and repeat throughout life. One of them is the“punitive” schema... Because of your schema, you often punish yourself. You think that there should be a price for the mistakes you make.
For example, an individual who is overweight and also has a "punishment" schema may punish himself by not buying the clothes he wants because of his weight. If you feel at fault, you are likely to punish yourself. You may find yourself using punishing words to yourself or someone else, as if the parent who punished you in your childhood was right next to you. You would think that people would not repeat the mistakes they made as a result of being punished. However, every person can make mistakes. The important thing is to find the reasons for these errors and try to explain them. Moreover, punishing people will lead to deterioration in your interpersonal relationships. What could be the origins of the “Punitiveness” scheme? In your childhood, your parents punished you for any mistake you made, taught you that this was a way to ensure that you would not make mistakes, in short, taught you that you deserved to be punished. Even if you grow up, this parent will accompany you throughout your life with his words and feelings. As you struggle with your schema, remember that you are struggling with a teaching that has surrounded you since childhood.
You will have to stand up to the punishing parent. Remember that you and people can make mistakes. Every consequence of punishment Consider that it will not be positive for Kes. Learn to forgive. It is nice to be able to forgive…
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