I realize that I quickly fell under the spell of this man, whose presence I felt from time to time. From the moment I first saw him, what attracted me was his attitude that impressed those around him, constantly talking and laughing with jokes. Over time, I realized that all he wanted was to be liked and approved, and even though I realized how unimportant my feelings were to him, I couldn't escape him. He spent five days a week at the gym, ignored my need for him, and behaved in ways that indicated he was bored when we got together. His wishes, his successes, his career... I couldn't understand where I was in this relationship while he was criticizing me harshly.
The deepest feeling that awoke in me at such moments was the feeling of worthlessness. Even though I was afraid of him leaving me, he didn't want to leave in a hurry during the few times I tried to muster up all my courage and leave. Each time he would try to show interest for a while, tell me he needed me, then the cycle would continue the same way again. Today, what I'm wondering about is why I allowed this man, who so ignored my emotional needs, to hurt me, how I bowed to him...
A word we use frequently lately is narcissism. Sometimes we remind the other person how narcissistic they are, and sometimes someone reminds us that we are behaving narcissistically... It has become an issue that is taken into consideration more frequently, especially with the widespread use of social media. So, is it that easy to call a person a narcissist? In order to decide this, it is necessary to understand narcissism. A narcissistic individual manifests himself with his selfishness, belief that he is always right, seeking approval, emotional deprivation, and problems with empathy. While he thinks that others are unreliable, he believes that he will never get the attention, compassion and love he deserves. Since he has not discovered mature love, he longs for a safe and loving bond. While he searches for this bond deep down, what the other thinks and feels is foreign to him. However, it is necessary to establish bonds with others in order to meet their emotional needs. Because he has difficulty at this point, he prefers to establish superficial relationships instead of deep emotional ones. Moreover, in this way, the imperfection, worthlessness, unlovability hidden inside His belief that he is someone becomes inaccessible to others. In fact, as compensation for these beliefs, the narcissistic individual may choose to set high standards for himself and build high walls in terms of work and career. Over time, people around a narcissist who exposes himself and is arrogant will get tired of his boasting about himself and will have to face the loneliness he fears. Sometimes it can be easily vulnerable. However, if there are positive self-perceptions and empathy skills in the pattern, we can talk about a narcissism that facilitates adaptation to life and produces positive results. This is called "healthy narcissism". Considering all this, there will be difficult aspects of living with a narcissistic individual, especially having an emotional relationship. Individuals with narcissistic personality organization do not easily consult a psychiatrist. They seek help only when they experience real abandonment anxiety or depressive complaints. If you realize that you are in a relationship with a narcissistic individual and you are having a hard time, it means that you have chemistry that the narcissist can trigger you. You may also have emotional deprivation, feelings of imperfection, and sensitivity to abandonment. Some of the foundations of narcissistic personality organization are deprivation of unconditional love, lack of secure attachment in childhood, and expectation of perfection by the parents. It seems inevitable that the negativities that will occur when the relationship between parents and children do not have a solid foundation will be reflected in adulthood. Listen to your child's emotional needs. Let him learn from you how to be a healthy adult.
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