Divorced couples sometimes continue to have very close relationships for the sake of their children. For example, they try to protect their children from the negative effects of divorce by having breakfast together every Sunday, spending holidays or holidays together, visiting relatives together, or meeting frequently.
Although these parents have good intentions, they are so close. It may actually be unhealthy. Too close a relationship between divorced parents can cause children to experience more conflict and confusion rather than comforting them.
Why do children experience conflict and confusion?
A close relationship maintains the child's hope for the parents' reunion.
When children see their divorced parents in close relationship and contact, it only reinforces their fantasies about their families being reunited.
Moreover, this situation is not only seen in young children, adolescents (mostly girls) can also have such aspirations.
Some adolescents behave extraordinarily well; They may think that they can bring them back together by methods such as convincing their parents how much they miss each other or inciting their parents' feelings of guilt.
The close relationship of divorced couples can take the form of continuing a bad marriage
Divorces happen for a reason. In most cases, the reason for divorce is that the husband and wife cannot get along with each other. In this case, maintaining a close relationship for the sake of the children may lead to the continuation of the same problems.
This causes children to continue to see their parents fighting, trying to dominate each other, or behaving irrationally.
As a result, these children simultaneously experience the negative effects of both the divorce and the continuing conflict between their parents.
This situation may cause emotional conflicts in children. .
The vast majority of children love both of their parents and hate having to choose one of them. On the other hand, children experience this situation in family environments where both divorced parents are present. lives too much, both parents try to pull the child to their side, which causes intense emotional tension on the child.
In such environments, children think that they must be very careful in everything they say and do, and do not want to hurt the other parent's feelings. They experience fear. For this reason, most children, and especially adolescents, do not prefer their parents to be together during holidays and holidays.
For all this, trying to be too close to your ex-spouse may actually make the divorce even more difficult for your child.
It may be much more beneficial for your children if you maintain a kind and sincere but business-like relationship with your ex-spouse. You can be flexible about visiting hours and holiday arrangements, and support the healthy continuation of the independent relationship between your child and the other parent.
If you are not sure what to do in some situations, you can talk to your children. If you truly listen to your children, you may have a better chance of making the arrangements that will be most comfortable for them.
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