Each trauma is like a heavy sack carried on one's back
Each trauma is like a sack on one's back. If we can solve these problems, we will have relieved ourselves of that burden. Forgiveness is an effective method to ease the burden.
The whole point here is to think solution-oriented rather than problem-oriented, to focus on the positive rather than the negative.
A person's past He has been treated unfairly, he has experienced a trauma, he has experienced a shock, he is very angry with someone. This feeling of anger arouses anger in that person, a depressed mood, and on the other hand, arouses complaining. You see, there are people around who always complain about their situation, and when we investigate their past, there are unresolved traumas. Each trauma is like a sack on a person's back. Just as this sack restricts our range of motion, prevents us from walking, and reduces our performance, it also affects our mental performance and emotional performance. It is important to resolve the traumas that we cannot forgive or cannot solve, or rather, it is not necessary to forgive. Traumas, injustices, shock experiences and disappointments in the relationships between people that we cannot solve affect us. If we can solve these problems, we will throw that burden out of our bag and our burden will be lighter, we will be relaxed and our range of action will expand.
Before we can forgive, we need to accept
People who are angry, tense and never relax always have such burdens in their mental world. These people cannot be at ease and cannot achieve a goal because of this burden. Something is needed here before you can forgive. It is necessary to accept, accept the truth. So the next step to forgiveness is accepting the facts. In some situations you may not be able to forgive, but you can accept the facts. For example, there are infidelities, how will you forgive? In such unforgivable situations, when the person accepts it, the following reasoning works: If there is a solution, I will do what is necessary, it is not worth being upset. If there is no solution, even if I get upset, it is not worth getting upset because the outcome will not change. Because even if you are sad, the outcome will not change, so you are eating yourself up, carrying a burden on your back like this.
Think about your feelings
The first emotion a person feels when he thinks he has been treated unfairly is anger. For example, someone has done you an injustice or your boss has put you in a bad light in front of everyone. In such a situation, instead of getting angry and leaving the job or thinking about filing a lawsuit, you should first think about your feelings. The emotion we feel in such situations is usually anger. If a person thinks that which of his principles, principles or rules is damaged; If he analyzes what percentage of the incident was caused by me and what percentage was caused by the other party, and generates thoughts about his feelings, he will be one step further. After generating ideas, he also thinks about possible solutions. He decides on one of these solutions, such as plan A, plan B, plan C, and never looks back. If a person does this, he develops a problem-solving style. If the event seems like it cannot be changed, if there is resentment or injustice, it is meaningless and useless to ask the person questions such as 'Why did you do this?' It is a requirement of one's mind to be accepting. If a person forgives that person after acceptance, he gives 2 gifts to the person he forgives, and he himself gains 4 gifts.
Honour is not protected by feelings, it is protected by reason
Our pride has been damaged, but we cannot protect our pride with our feelings, we protect it with our minds. In such situations, it is not a wise move to say, "My dignity was hurt, I was embarrassed in front of everyone, I can't forgive this, so I'm resigning." In such a situation, 'My dignity was hurt, why was it hurt? A person should do a SWOT Analysis for himself, asking "What are my strengths, what are my weaknesses?" He should ask himself why this situation happened and whether he should confront the person who hurt his dignity.
Establishing good cooperation is a 21st century value
Forgiveness is a virtue and it is not easy to do. The person who forgives commits two actions and actually says to the other party, 'I waive my rights for you, in fact, I am not your enemy.
There is a conflict between us and the other party, such situations occur frequently in the workplace, and in such situations, if a person If he forgives a mistake, 'I am not your enemy' He gives a gift saying: The second one says, "I gave up my rights for you." Instead of a sense of defense, the other party feels guilty and remorseful. "I did this injustice to this person, but this person still prevailed, showed virtue, and forgave me," he says. If it is malicious, it causes discomfort; if it is benevolent, trust is created. This increases love, increases respect, increases trust and reduces fear in the relationship. This is the 21st century value, establishing good cooperation. Being able to establish good cooperation is the greatest capital of this age, social capital. People who can cooperate well will be able to progress in this age, that is, heroic entrepreneurship is not possible alone.
Feeling regret is a gain
The feeling of regret shows that the person can be self-critical and question himself. This is a 50% advantage for the person. Being able to feel regret is a virtue. Some people make the same mistake and feel no regret. Feeling regret is 50% gain for a person, it means he will improve. In such cases, the person needs to take the second step; if he accepts it and carries it all the time, it will become a burden on his shoulders. In such cases, it is necessary to produce thoughts after emotions; some people confuse their thoughts with their feelings. Our feelings are regret. 'Why did I do this thing called regret? We need to ask, 'What did this event teach me?'
As a culture, we embalm traumas and continue them at home
The problem is obvious, the feeling of regret. I broke someone's heart, made a mistake, missed the exam. In this case, it is necessary to ask, 'What did this teach me?' In life, failures are very important because failures are generous but success is not generous, success teaches something but failure teaches a lot. When we look at life, the person who has made progress is the person who can learn from his mistakes. There is such a secret law in life that difficulties bring success, success does not happen in comfort, potential always emerges in oppressive environments, potential does not emerge in comfortable and comfortable environments. The pressures we experience reveal potential, so it is necessary to focus on how to turn regret into gain. Don't say 'This taught me this' his hand. In fact, he should write it down, not relive it in his mind over and over again. When thought over and over again, a person relives the event that happened 10 years ago as if it happened yesterday. People are right not to forget these events, but you should find a logical solution to this and change the subject. If you cannot do this, it will continue to be a burden on your brain. As a culture, we embalm traumas and continue them at home, whereas we need to miniaturize them and move on with our lives.
Let's learn from the negative
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The whole point here is to think solution-oriented rather than problem-oriented, and to focus on the positive rather than the negative. Let's learn from the negative, but let's focus on the positive and manage to be happy with the little things. Moreover, it is not what we do, but how we do it that is very important. In order to communicate healthily with other people, we must first communicate with ourselves.
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