When you think of compassion, an image of a mother touching her child with love may come to your mind. Or you can imagine two friends giving each other a big hug. Yes, these are examples of compassion. But compassion is not something that only comes from or is shown to someone else. The greatest compassion is the one that a person can show to himself. We call self-compassion the state in which a person can satisfy himself, understand himself, and embrace himself with understanding, instead of needing another. Self-compassion means embracing ourselves with all our mistakes and as we are.
A person's most important relationship is his relationship with himself. Therefore, we actually want to be loved and appreciated by ourselves the most. Think about it, who has witnessed you more than you throughout your life? Who knows all your pain, shame, shame and happiness better than yourself! A person's greatest witness is himself. At this point when we look at our own lives, the way we see ourselves and whether we like or not, affects our life and our perspective on life. Do we, human beings, two bones and a piece of meat, love ourselves, for better or worse? Can we agree and smile at what we see when we look in the mirror? That's the real question. And the answer we give to this question either makes us peaceful or makes us experience hell in this worldly life.
Can we show self-compassion to ourselves?
Self-compassion is a situation that we rarely encounter, especially in our society. As Freud defines it, we live in a society dominated by the superego, that is, the concepts of social rules and authority. Whatever we do, we take someone else into account. At the same time, no matter what we say, we may immediately face criticism or judgment. Because our surroundings are full of doings and doings. This is a shame, this is a sin. When you tell him it's a shame not to do this, he's left alone. Even our most natural questions, when we were children, were repelled by being accused of being shameful. In this case, our approach towards ourselves is always critical and judgmental, just like society used to do to us. It is almost impossible to expect others to understand us when we do not understand ourselves the most. But we always lose ourselves in this expectation.
If we don't love ourselves, the whole world Even if we love, we can't get enough!
To be human means to be flawed. But we often ignored this fact. And we always said harsh and evil words to ourselves that we would hesitate to say to anyone else. Even if you are right, our elders who do not get angry with the neighbor's child and scold you because we are guests may have always made us feel unfair. That's why we often treat ourselves harshly, let alone showing compassion to ourselves. So, do we really deserve such cruelty? Of course not! No one deserves such an unfair balance and cruelty.
You can notice this cruelty we show to ourselves by asking yourself this question;
When someone else makes a mistake and has a cruel attitude towards him/her How would you feel?
If you do not accept this cruelty for someone else but consider it necessary to do it to yourself, you are in an attitude that is your own biggest trouble, precisely because we are talking about it. Your justice, which distributes flowers when it comes to others, turns into an unscrupulous judge when it comes to yourself, and you can easily hang and cut it. This stems from the difference in the value you give to others and the value you give to yourself. However, you are no different from anyone else and as a human being, you are a creature that can make mistakes.
How can we show self-compassion to ourselves?
You may ask, "How can I show compassion to myself?" You may ask, "So, am I going to get up and caress my own head or hug myself?" Yes, you will do exactly that. We know how to give compassion much better than we think. We know very well that when someone we love is in pain, whatever we say or how we approach them will be beneficial. This is exactly what we need. Sometimes we should embrace ourselves, sometimes congratulate ourselves, and sometimes say I love you.
If you want to give self-compassion a chance, the next time pain comes to visit you, try to escape from it, try to transform it or Instead of getting angry at yourself for your pain, maybe you can take advantage of these three things, put your hand on your heart, turn your face to your pain, and say to yourself, "Right now is hard." You may ask, "How can I help myself?" This question is as brave as it is soft. Because it takes courage to accept the existence of pain, to make room for it and to take action with it. Self-compassion is both freedom and captivity. Self-compassion is a pain that everyone suffers from. It means supporting ourselves in this life where pain is inevitable. It means holding your own hand. It means taking care of yourself instead of looking for someone else. We are talking about a support that never gets old and is always here.
Abstract What are the benefits of compassion?
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Increases self-confidence
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Increases the level of happiness
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Increases satisfaction with life
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It is a great source of motivation
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With one another It improves your relationships
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Most importantly, it heals you
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Less psychological problems are experienced (such as depression, anxiety problems)
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Less perfectionist attitudes
All these beautiful results are possible when we can show self-compassion to ourselves. Isn't it like a miracle? Many things can change when a person understands and loves himself.
Brace yourself!
You are worthy of compassion. Mostly by yourself. Now put your hand on your heart. Say to yourself, I see you. Let your warm hand warm your heart. Because if you don't put that oxygen mask on yourself first, you won't save anyone. We must see ourselves first, love and show compassion so that others can see us too.
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