The root of the abandonment schema is mostly the relationships with parents and attachment style in childhood. The attachment style, which is formed in direct proportion to the way the needs are met with the parents or caregiver during infancy and childhood, also greatly affects the person's relationships in adult life. Meeting the needs in a healthy way and establishing a relationship based on love and trust between parent and child will provide a secure attachment and prevent the formation of such a maladaptive schema in adult life. Apart from this, loss of a parent at an early age, being away from one of the parents for a long time for any reason (there may be reasons such as the parent's illness, the parent's job, the parent being in prison), having a parent with alcohol-substance problems and acting uncontrollably, showing explosive and sudden anger reactions, contentious divorce of the parents, being raised by caregivers, dormitories, institutions, differentiation of the mother figure, indifferent behavior of the mother, losing the parent's attention in some way (this may be the result of having a sibling, the parent being sick, the parent remarrying.) These are the situations that lead to abandonment. With extreme sensitivity and anxiety, he may have created a schema in his mind that he will definitely be abandoned. However, although abandonment is a feared situation, if you have this schema, people with a personality profile that is likely to abandon you may be more attractive to you. In other words, people who behave emotionally unstable, use alcohol or substances, are uncertain about what to do, express that they are not ready for a regular relationship, are married to someone else and cannot end their marriage, are not sure when they will end their marriage or aim to continue the relationship in this way, live far away or Those who are constantly on business trips, who do not prefer monogamy and commitment, who are not sure of their feelings, who say they want to be together but who are not sure about their feelings, who sometimes have ups and downs, who sometimes act nice and sometimes as if you are not there, who make you feel worthless, who sometimes make jokes about you. You can choose partners who can make humiliating or belittling speeches, and you will really experience being harmed and abandoned by these partners. Your plot and scheme will be validated in some way. Or you live in anxiety as if you are constantly experiencing imaginary abandonment. If you have an abandonment schema, it will be very difficult to get out of this vicious circle without getting rid of this schema. Because you revolve around the same wrong choices over and over again. Therefore, if you suspect the existence of such a schema and are unhappy because your relationships are not going well, you should first start by changing this schema.
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