Dear parents, how is the quarantine process going with your teenage child? I'm here to say, "If you're having a hard time, that's perfectly natural." The road to adulthood is paved with hurtful stones. This is why many researchers call adolescence a period of storm and stress. It is obvious that raising children has different challenges for each age group. But adolescence is quite difficult even for these young people who are neither adults nor children. Especially if he is at home during the quarantine period, cannot see his friends, has limited communication, cannot even go to school and socialize, and has a curfew... You may be thinking that we are all in the same situation, he needs to get used to it. You are right at one point. But there are some biological differences we need to remember.
The most important of these is brain development. Adolescents' reactions to the outside world are based on their emotions, not their logic. Because the part we call the frontal lobe, which is in all of our brains and allows us to calm down and think logically, has not yet completed its development in adolescence.
On the contrary, the amygdala, which is responsible for the management of emotions such as fear, sadness, panic, anger and hatred, is very active. This causes them to experience these emotions more intensely, and they have difficulty coping with crisis situations as healthily as adults. They also tend to give more extreme reactions than adults when faced with a stressful situation.
Now think about your own adolescent child's behavior; your child had high reactions that you described as unnecessary to a stress situation that was easy for you to overcome or cope with, right? For example, when you try to take him to a close friend who has to leave school or to an environment he doesn't want to go to? Rebellious and dramatic, isn't it? These are all amygdala. Don't worry, over time the frontal lobe will complete its development and that wavy sea will calm down.
And of course, there are hormones as well. All adolescents secrete every hormone that adults secrete, but at different levels. For example, adrenaline is secreted more in adolescents depending on their emotional state. Cortisol hormone, which acts as a stress and anxiety regulator, is also Thus, it tends to be secreted more in adolescents. Accordingly, adolescents tend to be more stressed and anxious.
After learning all this, please think about what this crisis period we are in, which is difficult even for us as adults, could mean to them. They may be trying not to notice and seem to be coping. But like all of us, they are having a hard time.
“So what will we do?” If you ask, the answer is; First of all, you should be patient and remember that their sudden and possibly extreme emotional reactions are normal. Being stubborn is useless and will damage your relationship. You should always be the one who allows him to express his feelings. Even though he looks and acts like an adult, he still needs you to calm and stabilize him emotionally. Most importantly, he needs to be understood, like all of us. That's why they need a good listener. But this “good listener” doesn't have to be you as their parent. This can sometimes be an elder in the family, a cousin, or a sensible peer. You must be mature enough to know that another person can take on this task. If you respond to his sudden outbursts in the same way in a crisis situation, he will think that this behavior is normal and correct. Please let's give them the right example of how an adult should behave. Best regards.
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