Jealousy is a complex mental life and negative attitude that fears losing a person or a relationship. Jealousy is not an innate emotion, it is an emotion that is learned and developed and affects many people. This feeling also manifests itself in some individuals. Jealous individuals think that they will lose something they have and that they should have what others have. This feeling manifests itself in childrens as well as in adults.
Children who are jealous feel uneasy in their relations with the loved one and are afraid that they will lose their status in the face of this person's love. One of the biggest factors in the emergence of this feeling is the arrival of a new baby in the family. Until then, the child, who has only one and all attention, has to share the interest and love he has with his brother with the arrival of a new baby. And the child, in fact, cannot make sense of these experiences in his own world and experiences complexity. Because he is faced with a situation he has never seen before. In fact, the sibling poses a threat to the older child. For the child, sibling means insecurity, anxiety and sharing the mother. The child, who has felt all the love and attention on him until that moment, feels abandoned and insecure with the division of care and love into two. And in the face of these situations, he develops a feeling of jealousy towards his brother. In fact, when we look at it, this feeling of jealousy emerges even before the birth of a sibling. The parents' preparation for the new child reinforces the feeling of jealousy in the child. The child thinks that he is not loved before his sibling arrives.
How does the feeling of jealousy manifest itself in the child? What are the symptoms?
Some children openly express their anger and engage in hurtful actions towards their sibling. Some children may experience what we call regression in psychology. And the child has baby behaviors. In fact, with this behavior, the child tries to give a message to his parents. He thinks that if I am a baby, my parents will take care of me too. Sleep problems can be seen during this process in crying for no reason. Another important point is that in this process, parents mistakes made by them. In fact, many of us have witnessed such mistakes in our environment. If I give an example to these, it is the use of sentences such as "Don't worry about the older child, we will love you as much as the baby", which seem well-intentioned, but can cause the child to compete with his sibling. Or, another mistake is constantly adjusting the child's life according to the baby with sentences such as "be quiet, your brother is sleeping" to the older child, which causes this feeling to be reinforced in the child. Another mistake is to use negative sentences about the older child's sibling. Phrases such as "he's always crying dirty anyway, you are our first tear, we love you more" are not convincing to the child and develop an insecure attitude towards his family.
Well, as parents, what can we do to prevent sibling jealousy? ? I can hear you say.
The child should be prepared for this situation before the baby is born. Knowing what might happen reduces anxiety in the child. As parents, feelings of jealousy should not be suppressed. And the child should not be blamed for this feeling. When the child reveals his feelings, his jealousy decreases over time. One-to-one time should be spent with the child, and the child should be made to feel that he is valued. “We love you, you are valuable to us, you are strong, messages should be given without comparison sentences. The child should be reminded that he was once a baby, and the same care and attention should be given to him. Along with all this, over time, the feeling of jealousy in the child is replaced by positive emotions.
There are definitely parents who have great anxiety in this process. Jealousy is a natural and developmental problem. In this process, parents should understand the child, approach him without blaming him, and it should not be forgotten that this process is a developmental and natural process, and it will pass over time.
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