It is an extremely common sexual dysfunction in which men lose sexual desire for their spouses after a while after marriage. After a while, the situation is noticed by the woman and is often misinterpreted. Of course, it is inevitable that it will turn into a significant source of conflict between couples over time. So, why does a man not feel sexual attraction to his wife, even though he has no health problems, and instead just masturbates? This situation may have an extremely complex infrastructure.
As we know, marriage is an official institution with its own rules. Its existence has been approved by both society and the state, and its content has been defined by law. Psychologically, it means a safe zone for the person where there is no competition. Until then, many issues had been fought over, and some that could not be defeated were suppressed. It is in this safe area or harbor that the suppressed emotions about our inner world suddenly begin to break their chains and come to light. This is probably why so many people change personalities after marriage. The problems we have solved and suppressed, even some of our families' problems, start knocking on our door again for solutions. Suddenly, the husband replaces the father and the woman replaces the mother. Past conflicts are re-enacted, this time on a different theater stage. In such a scene, the role of lust decreases and disappears day by day. For example, a man who had an ambivalent relationship with his mother, who was not loved, protected, or not properly cared for, will feel inadequate in getting close to his wife when he gets married. Or, it is very difficult for a man who is extremely dependent on his mother, who was very close to his mother, but somehow broke away from his mother and could not get close to his father, to accept his wife as a sexual partner. All of these are conflicts of our subconscious from childhood, and their effects come to light after marriage.
Again, from a psychogenic perspective, sexuality means being close to another gender and becoming one. If a person does not want sexuality or sex, it means they are too afraid of being close to the other. So what lies behind this fear of staying close and getting close? What do women and the vagina they represent mean to a man? That masculine side of being a man What does n mean? As we always say, the most important age of a man's life is between the ages of 2-6. The entire sexual identity is shaped at these ages. Breaking away from the mother, competing with the father, and stepping into the male world under the guidance of the father is a stormy life cycle experienced at this age. We may all be experiencing some fears due to the issues that we cannot solve and cannot fully grasp in our minds from that period. These instinctive fears (oedipal complex-fear of castration) are experienced very deeply in some men and make the person pay a price (autocastration). The biggest cost is undoubtedly sexual dysfunction. This situation can sometimes appear as reluctance, sometimes as an erection problem, and sometimes as an ejaculation problem.
Unfortunately, a phenomenon called "Madonna Prostitute Syndrome" in psychology is experienced in many homes. After marriage, especially after children are born, a man replaces his wife with his mother, whom he considers sacred. Madonna represents holiness, and prostitution represents sex and is unclean. If the man's attitude towards his wife becomes overly affectionate, sanctifying and evaluative, he naturally isolates sex from his wife. Because sex is an event done with lust and compassion has no place. A man suffering from Madonna whore syndrome loves his wife very much and is very attached to her. But he doesn't feel anything towards her sexually. Because in his eyes, she is now sacred, mother, wife. The union of love+lust has been replaced by love+compassion. Undoubtedly, this situation is not healthy at all. Men try to complete their satisfaction with masturbation or paid sex. Infidelity problems arise between spouses. When sex, which is the pillar of marriage, disappears, it will be very difficult to keep that marriage alive. The ideal is to ensure that we never get this syndrome, to which every man is prone.
Some things are actually our preferences. That is to say, in every marriage, the power of lust begins to decrease over time. This may be inevitable, but it is up to us to try to keep it above critical levels and prevent it from falling too much. The spouses' sincere acceptance of each other's expectations and their efforts in this regard, a common life that we will live without losing our sexual roles, and whether or not we eroticize our lives are completely our choice. It should not be forgotten that the more you have sex, the more If you don't have sex, it will disappear from your list of needs after a while. Marriage requires constant effort and effort and is not a place to lie down. Having sexual fantasies from time to time throughout the day and touching that does not end in sex are like the vaccine of marriage and protects the person against the disease of reluctance.
>We all have a life energy we call libido, and we spend this energy somewhere. It is very important to spend this energy in a balanced way for general health and happiness. Focusing only on work, profession, religion, etc. may make a person successful in a field, but it will never make him happy. Investing some of one's libido in sexuality is essential for a balanced relationship. If a person works too much to spare time for sexuality, his sexual desire will of course decrease. There is no doubt about it. But sometimes working too hard is also an easy way to avoid sex. And it is necessary to distinguish these points from each other.
The treatment of sexual reluctance in men is primarily aimed at the cause. Afterwards, sexual therapy aims to regain lost libido through relational, emotional and behavioral stages. This is a process that sometimes takes months, but with the joint responsibility and motivation of the spouses, the result is often satisfactory.
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