Errors are inevitable; The only way to leave mistakes in the past is to stay calm.
When parents yell at their children, it's usually not what they want. In fact, many parents set themselves ideals of staying calm before becoming parents and aim to never yell at their children. However, as the children grow up, when the expected attitudes and behaviors are not met and there is no solution, shouting is the inevitable end for many parents.
When we think about what's wrong with shouting; briefly; When we shout at a child, the child's self-esteem drops, he may misunderstand the message you want to give and think that you don't love him or that he is guilty all the time, making this a personality trait or behavior pattern. In addition, you get used to the situation because you are shouted frequently and the message you want to give loses its effect. As a result, it is inevitable to have completely unhealthy communication.
Generally, in early childhood, children act in accordance with the expected developmental stages, and the stages they go through while gaining skills can be challenging for parents. For example; It is possible for a 2-year-old child to face parental reaction as a result of displaying his newfound abilities all over the walls or valuable furniture.
The undesirable consequences of yelling are;
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Sending the wrong message: Shouting often fails us in getting the point across. As a result, it increases the child's verbal and physical response.
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Learned behavior: Children often ignore when parents are yelling. Because shouting does not create awareness in the child. On the contrary, it is much more surprising and effective for a child to say that he is very disappointed and whisper in his ear. The lower your voice is the more effective your message will be. Calmly addressing inappropriate behavior allows you to focus on teaching the child what's not right in their behavior and focus on the core issue.
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Self-esteem: Screaming � It has a direct negative impact on children's low self-esteem and thus a decrease in their academic performance. Children exposed to yelling may develop aggressive and destructive attitudes. Most importantly, they feel that they are not loved and will be constantly criticized by everyone.
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Healthy ties: When shouting is a chronic form of communication, both children and parents are positive, affectionate. It causes him to miss the chance to form full bonds. For anxious children, this can lead to more dangerous consequences.
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Self-blame: Crying can make parents feel guilty and demoralized. Adults who express their anger in negative ways increase their stress levels.
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Wrong parenting attitudes: Children and teenagers need to be in control. Although they may seem like they want to, what really makes them feel safe are the calm, consistent, and fair authority figures. Yelling causes us to exhibit wrong parental attitudes.
The following methods can be used to establish healthy communication;
Identify problems : Identify recurring problems that often bother you and your children. For example; If going out to school in the morning is a chronic problem, solutions might include getting your clothes ready or taking a shower the night before, or waking up a little earlier for everyone.
Understand the reasons: Being aware of the cause of the behavior allows us to act on calmer responses. If we understand that a child is cranky because he is tired or hungry when he sleeps late or does not eat, we can notice and control our own reactions.
Set realistic expectations: When children are accepted for who they are and not overburdened with responsibilities, parents are less likely to be disappointed as a result of high expectations, and they create calmer attitudes.
Spend quality time: Parents trying to do more than one thing at the same time results in negative reactions from children. ir. For example, handling the phone or other things at mealtime may result in the child not eating or throwing food on the floor for younger children. This can lead to negative parenting attitudes.
Breathe and count to 10 It's important to realize that you are about to lose control so you can walk away from the situation, try to take long breaths and say 10 to 10 inside. You can count until you can even leave the room. A parent who tells their child to take a break is also modeling the behavior of self-soothing.
Distracting: Ignoring problem behaviors is another strategy that helps stop parents yelling. If you walk away until you calm yourself down, you won't feed your anger. Also, by allowing children to practice "calling down" on their own without parental guidance, you're giving them the opportunity to hone their skills.
Simplify: In addition to ignoring, it's important to simplify. For example: When something falls and breaks, instead of getting angry with children, without overreacting to the event; You might say, "Let's clean up together."
Seek support: When you can't stay calm having a support group of friends and relatives helps. This gives you some rest.
Always talk about your feelings when you talk: Depending on the child's age and development level, it's appropriate for parents to talk to their children about feelings once things have calmed down. "Sorry, I lost myself. I shouldn't have been so rude to you. But do you understand why I'm angry?'' conversations strengthen parent-child communication and reduce the risk of possible problems again. Moreover; Sending the message "I still love you even when I'm angry" will always help you build healthy relationships.
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