Making Sense of the Psychology of Cheating

Neither beauty, handsomeness nor any other 'best...' feature has anything to do with being the person who is cheated on. It's all about the cheater's current mood and choices. In other words, no fault should be sought in the person who was deceived in this election. See; 'Angelina and Brad duo'

So what exactly does Cheating mean? According to Blow; It is defined as 'any behavior that violates the contract between two people'. In other words; 'sexual and/or emotional action in which one or both spouses engage in a relationship with another person outside their main relationship, in which they consider themselves romantically, emotionally or sexually, that violates the trust in their current relationship and/or does not comply with accepted (implicit or explicit) norms.' It is expressed as (Blow and Harnett, 2005).

As seen in the definitions, types of deception are;

• Sexual

• Emotional

• Sexual and Emotional can be seen as.

 

Although the emergence of cheating behavior depends on many different factors, in a relational sense;

 

-Absence of existing spouse, emotional neglect

-Adaptation Concerns (such as moving, loss, job change, midlife crisis)

< There may be reasons such as p>-Searching for novelty and excitement

-Unmet expectations

-Wish to End the Relationship

-Need for Attention.

When we look at the social causes of cheating; The expectation of a perfect marriage in fairy tales, the presentation of women as sex objects, attractive and flawless beauty in the media and advertisements, and the creation of social perceptions such as the normalization of men's cheating are also effective in the emergence of this behavior.

 

Cheating male profile. We cannot make a clear definition saying it is like this. Just as; 'Just as we cannot know who will have an accident in traffic... A good driver can also have an accident.'

 

The symptoms that appear in the cheating spouse are as follows:

 

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Damage to self-esteem: 'I am not worthy of being loved'

Anger: 'How could he do this to me..'

Loss of trust: 'I can't trust anyone easily again..'

Abandonment Anxiety of being rejected: 'He will leave me at any moment..'

Beliefs: 'Every man does it, it's right.' etc..

He may experience an intense and tiring mental process with obsessive questions about whether his thoughts and feelings are normal, whether he can end the relationship and find the same relationship again.

Despite all these destructive processes, if both partners wish; With appropriate and timely support, it is possible for them to build a more meaningful, aware and satisfactory unity than before.

 

In order for the cheated spouse to get over this process more easily;

 

• Accept every emotion you experience (anger, hurt, etc.), without ignoring it, and reflect these emotions outside in healthy ways.

• Negative beliefs that make you feel worse. and try to notice your automatic thoughts. '- I am not worthy of being loved; -It's my fault he cheated..' etc. like

• Write down the positive and negative aspects of continuing your relationship.

• Create a safe environment where you can think calmly. Your friends who will trigger your anger towards your partner with thoughts on your side when you feel that you cannot cope on your own; Instead, get support from an expert who can evaluate the situation objectively.

 

Couples who want to rebuild their relationships after cheating;

 

• He must prove to his partner that the relationship has ended, and he must share the truth without including lies that will shake the trust once again.

• He must understand the deceived partner's need to question this and demonstrate his desire to talk patiently at every opportunity to make sense of some uncertainties. It should be listened to and explained with compassion, without turning away.

• Checks that will test the loyalty of the cheating spouse should be allowed for a while.

• In this process, distant and It should be evaluated by spending time together, not by remaining resentful.

• An expert support should be sought without wasting time and they should be helped to heal the wounds of the relationship and rediscover each other.

 

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