We started to use the word toxic, which has recently entered our vocabulary from English, when describing our relationships. Toxic relationship, toxic family relationships, etc. The word toxic means poisonous, harmful to health. It is used to mean unhealthy human relationships and unhealthy family relationships. Substances that cause damage or death to biological systems when taken orally or absorbed in some way are called poisons or toxins, and the branch of science that studies these substances is called toxicology. Radioactive poisons (polonium 220 isotope) cause the nuclear structure of the elements to change with the radioactive particles they emit to the chemical elements in the structure of the living organism. As a result of this change, elements turn into another element. Toxic substances are substances that cause acute or chronic damage to human health or death when inhaled in small amounts, taken orally, or absorbed through the skin. When we inhale a toxic substance into our lungs; You become stupid, you become dizzy, you don't know what you are doing, you get a headache, your eyes become irritated, you get the appearance of drunkenness and imbalance, you lose consciousness, you may not be able to breathe, you face death.
The one who constantly talks nonsense, always thinks about everything. Toxic people are the model of people who wait from the other side, act on whims and drive them crazy, and try to get what they want through manipulations, always put their responsibilities on others, are incapable of valuing, do not add anything to the people they are in contact with, on the contrary, they steal from their lives and perform their duty of life-shattering. Is everyone toxic? No, not everyone is toxic, of course. Could toxic people be our family members? Yes, maybe. Because none of us are perfect. We all have flaws. Just because they have defects doesn't mean they are toxic. Toxic people are difficult to distinguish from other people. Toxic; In fact, it is the state of a person's true character, mentality and will. Consistency and permanence of behavior only enable us to see.
When we are flawed, we have no problem taking on our personal and relational weaknesses. We can even laugh at ourselves when we make mistakes, and when necessary, we can admit the mistake and apologize. But toxic people They do not see themselves as flawed and do not want to face their weaknesses. They cannot get out of the narcissism of the age of 2. Just like 2-year-old babies, toxic people base all their decisions on their feelings. Thinking about the consequences of your actions is nothing compared to getting what you want at that moment. Toxic people cannot bear to think about others, so when you try to talk to them they make self-references instead of self-reflection. Toxic people are very good at using manipulation methods. It is very difficult to describe the situation when two toxic people are together and become a couple.
If you have a partner relationship with a toxic person; Nothing you say or do is enough because they believe they are perfect so they never make mistakes. They need to be the center of attention. They can change the scenario and take it in any direction they want, they can make you out to be a liar, they get angry at you, disagreements are never resolved. On special occasions like Valentine's Day, they ruin your day. They cause discord with your family of origin and are rigid and one-sided. They cannot tolerate differences. They are self-centered. They are always busy with themselves. They love to talk about their illnesses and psychosomatic complaints. They will blame you for even the slightest mistake. They dig into your past and use it to hurt you, making you feel guilty and ashamed of who you are. They violate your boundaries. They can't empathize because they don't care about your feelings and like to see you suffer. After all this, they believe that they are innocent, and they get hurt when you show evidence to the contrary.
Always demanding attention, always the most unhappy, always the most urgent, always having the most pathetic experiences, the two words he uses most frequently are "but" and "I". " is the human being. He is selfish enough to steal your life from you. He will never accept this. If you think he has to have a girlfriend or something to steal your life, you are wrong. More often, they come under the mask of friends, settle down and stay under the guise of friends. They often try to keep the spotlight on themselves by hinting at suicide or self-harm. If you are the right catch, they will succeed.
You must understand that none of the characteristics of toxic people have anything to do with love. All of these traits focus on immaturity, selfishness and manipulation. Sa Healthy people value consistency, predictability, connection, and communication when it comes to loving themselves and others. Healthy people are kind to everyone, not just those they will benefit from. If you live in a constant state of confusion and feel like your relationship with your partner has become fragile as if it were thinning out like cotton thread, your partner is not a healthy person. You need to make some serious changes.
If the couple coming to couples therapy is toxic;
This is a type of couple I have come across a lot lately. People who come to couples therapy come to me to help them solve their problems and to hold a mirror to their problems. Toxic people come to couples therapy to validate themselves. I always emphasize that there is no linear causality in couples therapy, there is circular causality. American Couple Therapist Gottman Couple's metaphor: I try to improve their relationships by talking about the four horsemen of the apocalypse, that is, couples humiliating each other, criticizing each other, being constantly defensive and building walls. I focus on the relationship. When we focus on their relationships and strengthen communication, the toxins of the couple relationship, referred to as the four horsemen of the apocalypse, disappear. This is very difficult to do with a toxic couple. Because they do not empathize and their justification schemes are so strong and rigid that they resist communication and most importantly, they are both selfish.
You, my dear readers; If you regulate your relationships with toxic people, you will see that you will improve over time. Be good to yourself, be proud of yourself, remind yourself how far you have come and what you have overcome, and when you have the slightest doubt that you will not succeed, remind yourself of those difficult times when you overcame difficulties and succeeded.
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