I believe that our ancestors' saying "A tree bends while it is still wet" has a very consistent meaning from a scientific perspective. Children are always more ready to be equipped with new information than adults. Although it is not an easy process for a child to receive new information, process it, learn it and turn it into behavior, the probability of success is high if there is a little patience and consistency.
In this article, I will not offer you magical information such as the five golden rules of proper communication with children or the three keys to raising children, which we have been hearing a lot lately. But at what points do we get stuck as parents? And what kind of communication model should we use in these blocked points? Let's look for appropriate answers together to questions such as these that bother us.
Children also have the desires of adults. They want to be understood, loved, respected, and attracted attention. They wait for emotional closeness and for the areas that will and will not be supported to be clear.
For the beginning of proper communication, eye contact should always be maintained when talking to your child, regardless of their age. Children who are contacted by making eye contact not only understand that what is said is directly for them, but also receive the message "I'm telling you this because I think you will understand me." If this message is given correctly, the following subconscious is formed in children. 'I am an important person, I am a being who can understand, and I am expected to understand the wishes and thoughts of the other party.' The outcome of this mindset will not only strengthen children's listening and understanding skills, but will also positively affect their self-confidence development.
Another factor is. It lies in being able to listen passively, showing the necessary seriousness to what they say, rather than just speaking actively, and giving messages that show that you are listening. A child who feels that he is not truly listened to has a decrease in his self-esteem. In addition, they may develop negative attitudes towards family members and may appear as outbursts of anger in adolescence and adulthood. So how do we make sure we listen to them? Will we give messages? When they talk, you can reflect your feelings about what is being said with your facial expressions and facial movements. Or you can ask questions about what they say and make your own comments on the subject. Capturing their angry, happy, sad or excited emotions and giving feedback such as "I think this situation excited you" or "I understand from what you said that you are really angry" are the best responses to show that they are understood. Children who feel understood begin to express themselves more easily. Children who can express themselves more easily do not carry their negative emotions to a different future.
Children are individuals, regardless of their age and characteristics. Individuals want to be aware of being individuals and enjoy this awareness. This is the case due to the nature of development. Every individual deserves and expects to be respected in a way that they can understand and feel, regardless of their age and characteristics. In our socio-cultural structure, unfortunately, children are generally presented as minors who should be respected rather than as respected individuals. Maybe we don't know exactly how to respect children because we grew up as disrespected children. Children who grow up as disrespected children become obedient and more submissive in the future and make extra efforts to be strong. While showing respect, adults should allow children to make room for their personal choices, right or wrong, and let them face them even if the consequences are not as desired. They should discuss their decisions, both good and bad, and support them in revealing their actions personally. If we expect them to be successful in any field in order to respect them, unfortunately, we cannot predict that when they are successful, they will appear as adults who do not know how to respect.
And let's talk about making love felt. What a positive effect this feeling has on children. The love that parents show to their children determines what kind of personality their children will have in the future. Children's future psychological, mental, social and other Most of the time, it will be enough to look at the love, interest and warmth shown by his family when he was a child to see that he is healthy in many aspects. It seems impossible for a person who is hungry for love to feel psychologically strong and to love without being reciprocated. Children primarily grow and learn by feeling the love their parents show towards each other. The more they witness this love, the stronger they learn to love. Mother and father become role models for the child with their correct communication and mutual tolerance. They should avoid saying negative words to each other no matter what. On the other hand, if children who receive love only under certain conditions cannot feel love when those conditions are not met, this situation becomes devastating for them. For example, a child who only hears words of love when he/she is successful in his/her lessons may devalue himself/herself by thinking that he/she will not be loved if he/she is not successful in his/her studies. It is considered quite normal for a child who experiences this feeling of worthlessness to see a damaged self-structure in the future. The healthiest way to show them our love is to put our love into words at every moment, regardless of circumstances, to show it with our actions, and to give confidence that you will continue to love them no matter what.
The correct answers to the love, respect and need to be understood that we give to children. It creates the foundations that will enable them to progress towards becoming psychologically healthy adults. Mothers and fathers who can establish these foundations solidly will support their personality development in a positive way. Moreover, in this process, it would be a mistake to seek perfection and strive to raise a perfect child. Because no one is perfect. As parents, we cannot be perfect either. Wanting our children to complete the situations we are lacking and what we cannot do and forcing them in this regard are unconscious behaviors that lead to raising unhappy individuals.
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