The child is a whole with some developmental dimensions that develop in parallel with each other. Physical, spiritual, social, mental and sexual development constitute these dimensions. While other dimensions and what needs to be done in these development areas are obvious, sexual development is ignored and ignored.
The concept of sexuality, which begins in childhood, takes its final form with adolescence. After adolescence, a child's sexual characteristics do not change easily. The important thing is to establish solid foundations from childhood.
Sexual development of the child according to Developmental Periods;
ORAL PERIOD: Covers the period from birth to the 18th month. The baby's mouth is the point of knowing the world and gaining pleasure and satisfaction. During this period, the child sucks everything he can get his hands on by putting it in his mouth and gets satisfaction from it. The quality of the care given during this period determines the child's basic level of trust and distrust.
ANAL PERIOD: It is the period between the 18th month and 3 years of age. During this period, the child learns toilet control. He discovers that he can hold and release the toilet whenever he wants. Being strict and oppressive or leaving the child completely unattended during this period prevents the development of feelings of independence. The child can also use this newly acquired power to be stubborn and annoy the caregiver. If this period is not overcome in a healthy way, it will have negative effects on the personality in the future.
PHALLIC PERIOD: 3-7 years of age is the period when sexual identity development begins. The child discovers gender differences. He starts asking questions. Where do babies come from, why are my brother and I different, etc. Whichever parent the child asks these questions should be answered in accordance with the child's age, without evading them. Sexuality is part of natural development. Not answering questions by saying "you don't understand them", leaving the child alone with his/her curiosity, shaming, punishing, or giving more information than he/she needs may create difficulties in the child's acceptance of his/her sexual identity in the future. Also during this period, the child can touch his genitals, get pleasure from this and masturbate. This behavior of the child should be seen as a part of sexual development.
LATANCE PERIOD: Covers the primary school period between the ages of 7-11. Sexual interest in children is most intense in preschool age, and with the start of school, interest and interest increase. There is a decrease in curiosity. Academic success and friendships occupy the child's agenda. The child forgets the sexual urges and fantasies of previous years. He becomes a more realistic, observant, curious learner. Although sexual interest and feelings decrease, they still exist, but they are more secret and continue their existence in symbolic games.
ADOLESCENCE: It begins at the age of 13-14 and ends at the age of 17-21. With the onset of adolescence, adolescents' interest in sexual matters increases again. The adolescent directs all his attention to his body and is interested in how it looks. Relationships with the opposite sex become important and they want to be liked. Sexuality is the most important issue for the adolescent who struggles with the effects of physical, emotional and hormonal changes and enters a painful process of finding his personality and discovering himself. It is more interested in sexual life than reproduction. This takes over the teenager's dreams. The adolescent, who has received information about sexuality from his family in accordance with his developmental period, will talk to his family about sexuality and get the correct information when he reaches this period. However, if he has not been able to get answers to these questions in the past, he tries to get information about sexuality-related issues by talking to his peers, researching on the internet and accessing printed materials.
Although friends are important for "sharing" in the adolescent's life, he also needs to share some of his feelings with his parents. In terms of values and emotional transfer, it is meaningful for the mother to give information to her daughter and the father to his son. Among this information, perhaps the most difficult topic and one that we do not know what to say will be the topic of first sexual intercourse. Adolescents may receive conflicting messages from friends, school, media, and parents about whether or not to experiment sexually. It is important for parents to be prepared and to have a consistent understanding within themselves during this period.
While boys are generally encouraged in this regard in our society, it is definitely not approved for girls. While boys are directed to have their first experiences before they are emotionally and socially ready and under inappropriate people and conditions, as a sign of becoming a man and growing up, for girls, experiencing sexuality without marriage turns into an event that is socially disapproved and hurts the young person emotionally and socially by labeling and excluding them with various adjectives. �ur.
The first sexual intercourse is a turning point for both girls and boys. Nowadays, due to the abundance of sexual stimuli, the child not being informed and guided correctly, the child not receiving the necessary education on impulse control, and the effect of developing hormones, your child who wants to relieve sexual tension may want to have sexual experience. In this situation, your intense pressure and supervision may cause your child to react exactly the opposite.
Our beliefs, values, and the effects of the society we live in determine our approach to adolescent sexuality. In order for a person to have a sexual relationship, he/she must have the power and authority to bear the responsibility of all spiritual, material, social and moral dimensions of this relationship. If the physical age is correct, it should be the age at which the person completes his physical development. As a result, a healthy and trust-based relationship with our child and being able to talk about everything will help us get through this stressful period in a healthy way.
Derya ÇETİN
Pedagogue/ Addiction Counselor
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