What a beautiful feeling it is to love... Saying "I love you" warmly from the heart...
Experiencing the journey of life as one, hand in hand... Enjoying our journey with love …
When we feel love; The steps taken towards love quickly lead to the beloved...
So what makes us feel love? Have you ever thought about it?
Let's talk about this a little bit...
What makes us feel love is the meanings we attribute to it. When we think about the meaning given to love, "our childhood" should come to our mind. Because we learned to make sense of words, situations, events and feelings in childhood. When we were children, we encoded how we understood how we were loved and how we said "I love" in our thoughts and behaviors. Then we created our own “love language”. In general, I would call this “in its own way”. My language is "Filiz" and I will express it to you in Filiz...
Let's go back to my childhood a little...
We create our love language in our nuclear family. We perceive love by making inferences from our communication with our mother and father and try to show that we love.
Did you feel loved enough by your mother/father?
How did your mother/father show you more love?
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After what behavior did your mother/father say to you; "Because I love you." he said?
In which defense did your mother/father tell you; “I wouldn't do it if I didn't love you.” he said?
So, do you resemble your mother or father when showing your love to your lover?
What effect does the love language established between you and them have on the way you show your love to your lover?
I suggest you think about these and write them on a piece of paper. Your mother, father and lover column... How do I show my love to them? How do I know they love me? When we write these in detail, the situation will become clearer for us.
Being liked, respected, cared for, accepted, approved and loved are among the most basic human needs. In order for us to continue a healthy relationship with our lover, a person's most basic needs must be mutually met. Let's first take a look at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs so that we can start by considering our human needs.
Let's consider our needs in situations where there is no crisis:
Let's consider our pyramid of needs in love:
Physiological Needs:
When we say physiological needs, it includes breathing, nutrition, sleep, sex, happiness, excretion.
- Did you know that when we are under pressure, the brain experiences this as if it cannot physically breathe? If we put pressure on your lover and intervene in his life, making him unable to breathe anymore, we sabotage his most basic human need. For this reason, couples respecting each other's space shows their love for each other.
- Sabotaging our lover's sleep time at night in order to spend more time is again an intervention to his basic needs. Therefore, lovers should respect each other's sleeping hours and be understanding. Our sleep hormone is a balance factor for our quality of life.
- New parents often encounter the problem of who will wake up at night for the child. When one partner does not respect the other's sleep needs, the flow will be interrupted at other levels of the pyramid. Being solution-oriented and fair will enable you to go through this difficult process easily. Remember, the primary need changes during crisis periods.
- The need for sexuality. Lovers should respond positively to each other's sexual desires. Sexuality is fundamental in relationships. Happy sexuality in marriage is the basis for ensuring the continuity of marriage. When there is no sexuality in love or marriage, the partner situation between people, the husband and wife situation changes shape and turns into a mother-son, father-daughter, soldier friend, friend, sibling relationship. Then, needs such as love, passion, being seen as a man, being desired as a woman begin to be met by someone else. The basis of cheating lies in the problem of sexual intimacy. A person who rejects sexuality rejects intimacy with his partner. Unwantedness and rejection shake the relationship.
Security Need:
Security of the environment where we are with our lover
- Job security (Not having to worry about leaving the job at any time, the money earning does not change.)
- Family safety (Acceptance within the family, family members not resorting to physical or psychological violence, absence of verbal violence and humiliation.)
- Body safety (No physical violence and physical integrity being threatened.)
Love / Belongingness Need:
If there is a problem with our lover's 1st and 2nd level needs; There will be gaps in hearing, seeing and understanding me. Therefore, when we show our lover that we love him, if there is a problem with his physiological or security needs in his own area that prevents him from seeing this, he may have difficulty in reading my love.
Let's come to say "I love you" to our lover, thinking that the system works with pleasure.
Now is the time to show our love...
To our lover; Now let's look at how we can make our love and sense of belonging feel:
You can say "I love you" by "appreciating" your lover.
Appreciating the good things he does nourishes your lover and your relationship.
***Remember, do you want to nourish the relationship or eat (consume) it? You reap what you sow… Therefore, you will be nourished in a relationship that you nourish. Nutrition brings happiness after satisfaction. Food is hunger after consumption...
For example, you want your lover to change something about something. Praise the parts he does well. Offer suggestions for the other area instead of criticizing it. Criticism without suggestions for better things is disrespectful to the other party and drains the relationship.
***Stay away from criticism and humiliation language. When you violate a person's security area, you consume his love for you and he cannot show his love to you even if he wants to.
By "Encouraging" your lover, you can say "I love you".
Giving verbal compliments is a way to express words of approval towards your lover. Your lover may be waiting for your encouraging words in areas where he feels insecure. Encouragement requires sensing emotions and seeing the world through your partner's eyes.
You can tell your lover "I love you" by saying "loving and caring words" to him/her.
Love is compassionate. So, if we have to convey love verbally, we should use affectionate words.
You can say "I love you" by "supporting your lover in the environment".
Establishing supportive sentences about your lover's beautiful qualities in front of your family and friends will honor him/her.
You can keep the problems between you and your lover a secret and say "I love you" to him/her. .
You may be having sexual problems with your lover. You can go to an expert on the subject together. However, telling your private problems with your lover elsewhere will consume the trust and love between you. You should act respectfully and carefully in this regard.
The situation is the same for your communication problems other than sexuality. Complaining about the lover to his friend or family will cause him to repeat this behavior. The problems between you are the secret of your relationship. It is the responsibility of every adult in a relationship to take care of their privacy. If you hit him with his problems, he will do the same to you and the cold war will begin. If you cannot overcome the problem here, you can consult an expert and get support regarding communication in your relationship.
You can say "I love you" to your lover by "spending quality time".
Chatting away from phones and showing your lover that you have all your attention is one of the ways to say I Love You. Therefore, whether you watch a movie or do an activity together, be careful to focus on each other and chat.
You can tell your lover "I love you" by "talking about your feelings".
People want to know their lover's "beautiful thoughts and feelings" about them. They become more attentive in this regard and their motivation increases.
You can say "I love you" to your lover by "buying him the gifts he likes".
Gift selection is valuable and important. It is important to buy a gift for your lover by knowing what he likes. Otherwise, your lover will say, "He bought a gift just for the sake of buying a gift, he didn't buy it for me." He may come to you with emotion. Find out how she likes gifts. While some people are happy with Kinder surprise chocolate, some like flashy jewelry. Surp for some riz; While it is a holiday, for some it means buying the things they need.
You can say "I love you" by "serving" your lover
What your lover sees as a service is also important. Some people see pouring water from a demijohn into a jug, some seeing ironing their shirt, some seeing going to the grocery store, some seeing preparing breakfast as a service and understand that they are loved. Do not forget; Our mothers have always shown their love to us by using the language of service. This is an "I love you" language that has been in each of our lives since our childhood. Therefore, we can make each other happy by serving each other in relationships.
You can say "I love you" by "touching" your lover
Physical contact It is the most important love transmission language. It conveys love, excitement, lust, passion, longing, anger, closeness, distance, resentment and unhappiness. That's why we should be careful when touching, focusing only on the beautiful image, beautiful feelings, and beautiful memories of our lover in our minds.
Sometimes holding hands, sometimes hugging, sometimes touching the shoulder is very good; He says I'm with you. Touching is also important to strengthen the sense of trust and belonging.
The basis of a healthy relationship is emotional relationship. An emotional relationship begins with good feelings and touches. While long touches, loving and caressing, kissing cause pleasure in togetherness, it says "I love you from the heart".
Isolation prevents the growth of love in a marriage. Touch your lover. Let your flow of love balance your relationship.
Need for Respect
Lovers who love each other and can say "I love you" and make you feel can easily respect each other. Don't be respected; It is very important for the person in individual and social areas. It is the basis of the relationship. When respect is broken, the relationship ends because the love languages do not flow.
Self-Actualization Need
When the person's needs are met, he is safe in the relationship, he is loved and He lives up to his potential when he is respected. He/she will be happy and peaceful. It spreads happiness and peace. A state of balance brings a healthy life.
Finally; Let's do a study with ourselves and for
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