What is Anger?
Our proverbs such as "He who rises in anger, sits down with harm", "Sharp vinegar is harmful to the jar""like gunpowder", Our idioms such as “it shines like a flame of straw” “he lost his mind” are proof that we all know anger and that it exists in every period. Anger is one of the basic human emotions such as happiness, sadness, fear and hate. It can occur when the individual's plans, wishes and needs are thwarted, when he perceives unfairness, unfairness and a threat to his own self.
Just as you may become angry with a certain person, such as your friend, your mother, your sibling, the man on the street, your teacher or your superior; You may also become angry at an event such as long queues, traffic congestion, or disruption of a planned job.
When anger is expressed appropriately, it is an extremely healthy and natural emotion. However, if it becomes uncontrollable and becomes destructive, it can cause problems in school and work life, personal relationships and general quality of life.
Anger and aggression are often considered and evaluated as interrelated. Aggression is a behavior; anger is an emotion. Anger sometimes leads to aggression, but most of the time it is not the initiator of aggressive behavior.
- When Do We Get Angry?
1. When we think our personality is being attacked,
2. When we are provoked,
3. When we are disappointed,
4. When we are under stress,
5. When we think we have been treated unfairly,
6. When we cannot express ourselves, we become angry.
- Why Are People's Anger Expressions Different?
1. Genetic or physiological reasons;There are opinions that some people are naturally irritable, touchy and easily angry.
2. Socio-cultural reasons; We grow up learning that anger is a negative emotion that needs to be suppressed, and we can model the behavior of the adults around us when they get angry.
- Coping with Anger
Coping with anger, your anger is over It requires recognition, not hiding and hiding.
Only when individuals recognize their anger, can they get rid of the harm of their anger and express it in a constructive way for themselves.
There are some conscious or unconscious steps to deal with feelings of anger. roads are used.
These are briefly; Expression is suppression and calming.
Expressing Anger Verbally Expressing anger verbally rather than through aggression is the healthiest way among these.
Being able to do this. In order to do so, the individual must be aware of what they want and be able to convey them clearly and in a way that will not hurt the other person.
The second way is to suppress anger. If you keep your anger inside, try not to think about it, and direct your attention to something more positive, you are using this method. Although this works sometimes, it may not be healthy to use this method constantly. If anger cannot be expressed correctly, after a while this feeling returns to the person and can lead to problems such as high blood pressure, psychosomatic disorders (ulcers, allergies, etc.) or depression.
Trying to calm yourself down when you experience anger is your third option. By controlling your breathing and heart rate, you can calm yourself physiologically and relieve the feeling of anger within you.
- Management of Anger
The aim of anger management techniques is to reduce the emotional and physical reactions caused by anger and rage. You cannot eliminate the people and events that cause anger; you cannot avoid them; you cannot change them. The only thing you can do is to control your internal and external reactions to these people or events and to manage them constructively. If you sometimes lose control or are afraid that you will, you can ask for help from a psychologist.
- Is it good to release our anger?
Psychologists They have now shown that this is a very wrong and dangerous belief.
Research shows that "discharging" the feeling of anger is a way to reduce anger. This shows that it increases anger and aggression even more and is of no use in solving the problem. So the best thing is to find out what started your anger and learn how to deal with it without losing yourself in anger. For example, when the main thing you are worried about is not feeling safe, you may shout about something completely different.
- Which Methods Prevent Your Anger from Overflowing?
Relaxation:
Breathe deeply, try to imagine calming situations and scenes in our minds. This helps us calm down.
Here are some simple methods you can try:
- Take deep breaths, filling your belly; Breathing with your upper chest will not relax you. When you breathe in and out, your abdomen should expand, not your chest.
- As you take deep breaths, repeat to yourself "Relax!" or“Calm down!” Make a suggestion by saying.
- Imagine a place or environment that will relax you and try to visualize it. Remember a place in the past where you were very calm.
If you memorize these techniques by practicing every day, you can automatically apply them in tense situations you will encounter later.
Changing Thoughts;
Angry people tend to express their thoughts by swearing and shouting.
When we are angry, we often unintentionally perceive events as exaggerated and distorted.
This type of notice your thought patterns and replace them with more logical ones.
For example, instead of saying something to yourself like “Oh no, everything is ruined!”
“It's not the end of the world, and just because I'm angry about it now won't make it not happen,” you might say. Try running both thoughts through your mind. See which thought increases or decreases your anger.
We often use the words “never”or “always”, which we use very often without realizing it and prepare us for feelings of anger. Try to catch words like of. “Nothing will ever get better”or“I am always the one who is wronged.” Sentences like are quite wrong. It also makes you think that you are justified in your anger. Since you are making judgments about the situation, it does not contribute to the solution of the problem. Logic defeats anger, because even if anger is justified, it can very quickly exceed the limits of reason. So when you feel angry, seek refuge in your logic. Remind yourself“The whole world is not trying to screw you”. Just imagine going through some of life's ups and downs. Use this method whenever your anger starts to get out of control. This will help you get a more balanced perspective.
Angry people want everything in a demanding way, in other words, they feel entitled. This is also the case with justice, appreciation, acceptance, approval, etc. Same for. Everyone needs these values. When we cannot achieve it, we all feel sad, hurt and disappointed. But angry and angry people demand these things. When their demands are not met, their frustration turns into frustration, which turns into anger. While these people work on their thoughts and restructure them, they must become aware of their demanding characteristics and turn their expectations into desires. In other words, for anything one wants, instead of saying “it should be given to me”or “it should be mine”, thinking“I would like it to be given to me” They should see that it is healthier.
Sometimes our feelings of anger may stem from real and inevitable problems in our lives. Feelings of anger are natural and healthy emotions experienced in the face of these difficulties at such times. The most useful attitude in such situations is; is to first investigate whether we can change the situation. If it is something we can change, solutions can be explored. If it is a situation that cannot be changed, the best thing to do is to face the problem instead of trying for a solution.
Try to do your best, but if you cannot find the answers immediately or reach the result immediately, do not punish yourself.
Angry people generally tend to judge without thinking and act in accordance with these judgments. These judgments can sometimes be very unrealistic. If you get into a very heated argument, the first thing you should do is to slow down and observe your reactions. Don't say the first thing that comes to your mind, slow down and think about what you really want to say. At the same time, try to hear and understand what the other person is saying. Do not answer immediately.
Try to understand what lies beneath your anger. It is natural for a person to become defensive when criticized, but do not attack and fight either. Instead, try to find the underlying meaning of what is being said and listen to what is actually being said. Or maybe you want to get away from that environment for a while and relax. But don't let your or the other person's anger get out of control. Maintaining your calm will prevent the situation from going off the rails and turning into a disaster.
Use humor
Humor can help reduce the intensity of your anger in various ways. . First of all, it provides a more balanced perspective. When you get angry at someone and start labeling them with certain adjectives, stop for a moment and think about whether that person is really that “thing”or “that”
This Picture the scene. For example, when you attack someone with adjectives such as “medlar” or “wooden head”, imagine that person as if he were actually a medlar or had a wooden head, and visualize him doing his daily work that way. If you can think of what it is that you compare the other person to and create a picture in your mind as if that person really is, you will see that your anger will begin to decrease. Because it is not possible for anger to coexist with the emotions experienced during humor.
The basic message underlying the behavior of a person whose anger is very intense is“Everything should be the way I want!”. Angry people believe they are morally right and right. Any event/situation that causes them to change their plans or be prevented is an unbearable humiliation for them.
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