Throughout our lives, demands come from our immediate environment and then from other individuals in our communication network. However, many individuals feel conflicted and anxious about how much they want to meet the demand, whether it can be met, what consequences should be endured if the answer is "no", or, on the contrary, whether there will be any loss if the answer is "no". When the individual refuses the request, those people will:
He will be rejected,
He will not be accepted,
He will not be allowed into the social environment of those people,
They may have beliefs that the bond between them will diminish or break over time.
The breaking of the bond over time is a source of intense concern, especially for people with an addicted nature. Individuals who have thoughts such as not being able to adapt to the group dynamics, not being loved or accepted, prefer to say yes when they should say no.
Where does the trait of not being able to say "No" come from?
Characteristics and roles acquired during childhood -Parental patterns taken as a model, along with other authority figures at school age (classroom teacher replacing parents, close relatives who are as important as parents, friend groups, etc.) cause the individual to acquire certain characteristics. Being able to say "No" is a social skill that can be learned and taught, and as it is learned at a young age, it permeates the individual's entire life area. The child's sense of autonomy occurs spontaneously. However, if parental attitudes hinder the tendency towards autonomy, the child learns to be dependent instead of being independent. Because he is afraid that when he becomes independent, he will lose his parents because he acts contrary to their expectations. This pattern is supported by the reward method when the child meets the expectations of his parents, and if the expectations are not met and punishment is encountered, the pattern is reinforced.
With the adolescence period, the communication similar to the one he had with his parents when he was a child, is reinforced with others. continues to establish relationships with individuals. In other words, the inability to say no becomes even more entrenched, causing one's own dissatisfaction. However, making the other party happy is more important. With adolescence, being accepted into the group becomes important. Since it is important to be accepted, loved and appreciated by the group of friends, the action of meeting the other party's expectations continues. Instead of saying no, the individual sees it as a convenience to say yes even though he or she does not want to. We even see that some individuals acquire harmful habits (smoking, alcohol, substance use, etc.) because they cannot say "no". In later periods, it is observed that material and moral concessions were made. Some adults use the word "indirect no" instead of saying "no" directly. In order not to behave differently than the other party's expectations, clients; They tell their therapists during the sessions that they answered "no" by finding excuses and lying. Some individuals are informed that their inability to say "no" is related to certain situations and people. For example, individuals who can easily answer "no" in their family say that they cannot answer "no" with the same ease in their group of friends or in their workplace.
Is Not Being able to Say "No" a Disease?
Not being able to say “No” is not a disease, but it is an important problem as it can cause psychological and later physiological disorders and cause difficulties in the individual's daily life. Over time, the individual's initiative decreases, causing him to prefer his own unrest over the peace of the other party. Therefore, since it will become a structural problem over time, addressing the problem of not being able to say "no" by receiving therapy in order to prevent the individual from being in more difficult situations will prevent the individual from experiencing other problems or difficulties such as depression.
It should not be forgotten that Not being able to say "no";
You feed on your emotions instead of your logic,
You listen to what the outside world wants from you instead of listening to your wishes,
The compromises that start in the family eventually lead to school, school, It continues to grow in business life, in your relationships with your spouse and other people, z doesn't love me and doesn't want me around" etc. thoughts to revive in every situation and person,
This situation will sometimes cause you to experience internal unrest, sometimes to be in a difficult situation, and sometimes to habits that you will regret for the rest of your life.
All these To be able to say "no" to situations;
First of all, to be able to use the word "no" for yourself. For many people, hearing “no” is as difficult as using it. Therefore, using words meaning "no" before the word "no" means,
What you want,
That saying "no" is a "natural and normal" response,
p>
When you focus on realizing what your values, limits, and expectations are, your answers and choices will be easier.
First of all, for the individual's own peace, and then for the peace of those around him, a "no" can be said again in his life. We hope that you should not hesitate to seek expert support in order to avoid saying "yes" and give the necessary "permission" to say "no". For this reason, people with boundary problems need to clearly define their mental, physical and emotional boundaries by getting professional support.
Read: 0
