Children can often show sudden outbursts of anger, meaning "no", when they are prevented from doing something they want very much or when they are disappointed in a situation. He may exhibit behaviors such as yelling, crying, kicking, screaming, hitting, throwing himself on the ground and even hitting his head on the ground or wall from time to time.
Causes of tantrums; It is the child's conflict with the parent as a result of wanting to do things on his own, wanting to choose on his own, and wanting to go on his own. When children don't get what they want, the groundwork is set for tantrums. The child wants to be "independent". Seizures also occur when the family prevents them by saying "you can't do it".
Some children also have tantrums because they do not receive enough attention even though they are doing the right behavior. In this way, he attracts the attention and interest of his family.
When the tantrums are reinforced, they become more frequent. If a child sees that he gets what he wants by crying, he will then want it by crying and throwing tantrums. If a child sees that he/she is attracting too much attention during a seizure, that is, a crying attack, he/she will repeat this behavior to attract attention.
So, how should parents behave?
• First of all, the child should express his/her feelings, You need to listen actively so that he can understand and explain what he is angry about and why he is crying. The basis of most problems lies in the fact that we do not listen to or understand each other. If you allow your child to express himself, you will make great progress in this regard.
• You went shopping and he said he wanted to buy something he shouldn't. Your answer was “no” and your child started crying. What you need to do here is to stand behind your “no” and not take that thing. Maybe the market will get into chaos, you will cry, you will shout, and most of the time the people around you will look at you strangely. However, you shouldn't buy it. Wait for it to calm down. If the child makes something happen by crying, he will try to make things happen by crying from now on.
• Ignore this behavior of your child during a tantrum. It is a behavior that parents have difficulty in doing. Try to ignore it, but your child may be trying to attract attention from you with negative behavior. If you give him/her your attention with this situation, your child will continue to try to attract your attention with negative behavior. • Stay calm when a tantrum occurs. When you engage in a power struggle and become stubborn, your child will observe this behavior and then start to treat you this way. Children pay more attention to your behavior than to what you say.
• Set a time when you go to the park. And let me know when this hour starts to decrease. “We will go home in 10 minutes.” like. Reminders in advance will prepare the child.
• Children, like adults, enjoy making their own choices and feeling of control. Give your children the right to choose something and do not engage in a power struggle on that issue. For example, "Do you want to wear the red sweater or the green sweater?" like. Allow your child to choose.
• Observe when your child's anger outbursts occur. It may happen when you are tired, when you come home from school, when you wake up, when you feel sleepy, etc. Knowing these times in advance will help you.
• During the seizure, you can direct your child's attention and talk about a different subject.
• Children cannot control themselves when they get angry or have an outburst of anger. By hugging him tightly, you can make him feel that you accept him in every way and that he is safe. Tell him that you will hug him like this until he calms down.
I am aware that all of these require patience. But without doing these, we cannot expect positive and healthy reactions from the child. If you approach it positively, your child will approach you that way too. Do not hesitate to consult an expert on this matter if you need.
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