Divorce is a situation that has increased in recent years and as a result, it affects more children than couples. It is normal to observe emotional and behavioral changes in a child during and after the divorce. The first individuals with whom children establish a relationship are their parents, and many psychological problems may be encountered in children who see that the relationships of the parents are terminated. Considering the increasing drug, alcohol and cigarette addictions in children and adolescents in recent years, we can easily understand that children are not properly parented. Many psychological theories have argued that bonds with parents directly affect a child's emotional health and adult life. The purpose of this article is to talk about parenting mistakes that are effective in children's addiction development and to touch on the role of divorce in this framework.
ADDICTION OBSERVED IN DIVORCED PARENTS AND THEIR CHILDREN
The effects of divorce on children's health. In order to consider the effects, first of all, it may be necessary to examine the effects of the relationship between the parents and the child on the child's mental health. Today, the way to reduce child addiction problems is to raise an emotionally intelligent child. Proper parenting is key to the development of an emotionally intelligent child. Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage one's emotions in a healthy way when they experience emotional crises. Children who can regulate and manage their emotions are more successful in their relationships and mental health in adult life than children who cannot regulate their emotions. Children who have learned the correct emotional management steps from their parents are less prone to substance and alcohol addiction compared to other children. Conflict between parents is inevitable in marriage, but more than the conflict itself, how these conflicts are managed affects the psychological health of the child. Researchers have found that their children, who witness too much conflict between parents, experience emotional, behavioral, and social problems. with primary school teachers One study found that children who witnessed high levels of parental conflict during the divorce process experienced high levels of anxiety and displayed more anti-social behavior than other children. Considering these data, these antisocial behaviors and high level of anxiety are one of the important factors in the child's development of addiction to alcohol, drugs and cigarettes. Divorce brings an emotionally turbulent period for the family, and parents who are in the process of divorce may consume more alcohol and cigarettes. For example, the child of a mother who consumed a lot of alcohol during the divorce period may normalize the act of drinking by taking the mother as an example. As Bandura (1969) stated in Social Learning Theory, children learn to relate to other individuals by imitating the actions and habits of their parents. can display. The child, who observes this behavior in his parents, may also resort to alcohol in his own emotional depression. It can be considered natural that parents who have conflict during the divorce period cannot establish a healthy relationship with their children. Conflicts between parents and children during divorce are inevitable. According to one study, parent-child conflict is positively related to children's extraverted behavior. To give an example of these extroverted behaviors, we can give examples of behaviors such as violence and insults that children inflict on their peers at school. Accordingly, we can examine children's behavior towards their schoolmates to understand how much they are affected by conflicts within the family. Another inference that can be made here is that conflict between parents can also have an effect on the child's romantic relationships. According to John Bowlby's attachment theory, the relationship we form with our mother has an impact on the relationships we form in our adult lives. It has been found that a child who is insecurely attached to his mother exhibits more negative behaviors towards their environment and themselves. divorced Attachment problems may also occur in the romantic relationships established by the child in adult life, who conflict with the mother, get angry with the mother, or break ties with the mother during the pregnancy period. This situation may indirectly lead to addiction in children. Children who feel unsuccessful may tend to bad habits when they cannot cope with this feeling. According to a study, the warmth that children receive from both their parents positively affects their academic success. Academic self-confidence improves the child's ability to cope with their own emotions. Children who feel successful and appreciated in their parents' eyes are more likely to face and overcome their own emotions. This reduces their tendency towards addiction.
IMPORTANCE OF THE FATHER
Contrary to popular belief, fathers have a great influence on the emotional development of the child. In Turkey, the rate of fathers taking care of their children and babies is much lower than the rates of mothers. In addition, the roles deemed appropriate for the father in Turkey do not go beyond providing financial support to the child and family. To give an example of this, post-divorce mothers may not show their children to the father. In this case, the child has to go away with his father. In the process of parental separation, one parent disparages the other parent, damaging the relationship with the child. The child rejects the estranged parent over time. This deficiency can create an emotional void in the child over time. This gap can push the child not only to alcohol and substance addiction, but also to addiction. The child who replaces the missing father with another person may tend to become dependent on the person. These types of scenarios are the scenarios we hear a lot in the environment. When the child loses someone who replaces his parent, he cannot cope with this feeling and may turn to alcohol and similar addictions. used to escape or control for a period of time. they are. Thus, these substances start to be used when the person is anxious or depressed, and over time they become addictive. As can be understood from this scenario, we can understand that the reason for the addiction seen in the children of divorced families is the strategy of avoiding the anxiety or depression experienced by the child during the divorce period or after the divorce. When we look at the clinical findings, we can identify addiction with the desire to control the distress caused by the person's object relations, sense of self, and ego inadequacy. From a psychodynamic perspective, addiction occurs when a person forms an uncontrolled and sensitive self. Therefore, addressing the issue of divorce and addiction from a psychodynamic point of view should begin by addressing how addicts cope with their post-divorce problems and what methods they use to cope. At this point, it is an important issue that the child uses the substance to cope with which problem in his life.
CONCLUSION AND RECOMMENDATIONS
After the divorce of the parents, there are various changes in the relationship dynamics. The dynamic between family members after a divorce changes and is affected drastically. During this period, parents should consider how the divorce process can be perceived by the child. The end of the relationship between parents does not mean the end of parenting duties. After the divorce, there should not be an estranged parent, and psychological support can be obtained in terms of the child's health in the process. Children who do not receive the right emotional coaching from their parents during divorce conflicts develop addiction more easily. It is essential that experts have more competence in divorce in a period when divorces are increasing to such an extent. Psychologists need to have more competence in this regard in order to provide proper guidance to parents during divorce.
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