How can families help their children with test anxiety?
In my previous column, I tried to explain how test anxiety develops and what the key process is. Today, I would like to talk about a few basic skills for the families of young people experiencing this anxiety. The exam preparation process is never easy for families. Dozens of questions occupy the minds of families, such as whether the information their children receive at school or in courses will be sufficient, whether they study enough, what if they fail on the exam day. If we do not know how to deal with our anxiety, we can transmit this anxiety to our child. For this reason, we must be careful about the messages we give.
One of the most common reactions to anxiety is that families immediately make quick suggestions to reduce this feeling. They give quick reassuring messages like "Don't worry, I'm sure you will do it, you are smart, we know you will do well." In fact, this is one of the basic communication mistakes. The first step should be to listen and try to understand the comments and thoughts that create this feeling from his/her perspective. The emotion belongs to our child, and we do not have the power to immediately reduce his emotion. After listening thoroughly, making our own definitions as much as we can perceive will create the feeling of being understood. Sometimes, even this empathetic listening alone is enough. If we want to help even more, it may be useful to evaluate his comments about the exam in a realistic way and to find the mistakes he made in his thinking without realizing it. For example, it may be useful to define that exam preparation will not always go well, that fluctuations are normal, that their anxiety will provide their motivation, that mistakes are a learning tool, that the exam is just an opportunity, and that these opportunities will come across many times in life. In other words, we should not forget that anxiety makes our child and us grow. Stay healthy..
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