Excessive crying may be an indicator of a depression process, while the inability to cry may actually be a sign of major melancholic depression. Crying can actually be physiologically and psychologically necessary and beneficial. There are even some studies that suggest that tears may contain stress hormones and some other toxins that are being excreted from the body.
How many emotions do you think the human race is experiencing? Our simplest emotions are anger, happiness, disgust, fear, surprise and sadness, which are 6 in total. But in total there are 34,000 emotions that the human race can experience, and being sad is one of the most important of them. Sometimes we have to cry. Crying is a human need that is as normal and necessary as laughing.
Although there are times when it is symbolized as weakness in our society, crying actually symbolizes our strong feelings, not weakness. Sometimes this can be the loss of a loved one and mourning, sometimes an argument we have had, a trauma experienced, a separation, a sad scene from a movie we watched, or sometimes it can be from happiness.
Reasons for Crying or Not Crying
Crying There may be more than one reason for not being able to cry even though he wanted to. These causes can be physical or psychological. Among the physical causes, there are dry eye, diabetes, autoimmune diseases (Sjöngen Syndrome), drugs being used (anti-depressants), hormonal imbalances due to pregnancy or menopause, use of contact lenses, eye infections.
Psychological Reasons for Not Crying
As we mentioned at the beginning of the article, crying can be perceived by society as something that should be suppressed. I think we all know the sayings like "men don't cry, crying is weakness, don't cry, are you shedding tears for that, it's not worth crying". How can anyone cry in an environment where crying is a sign of weakness?
Crying is an act of courage. It requires focusing on and recognizing the painful aspects of emotions. Many of those who consider themselves strong may not be so brave. they may be, because we heard a lot when we were growing up that this is not a good thing.
Let's metaphorically compare the conscious and unconscious to a ladder. Let the top of the ladder be the moment we live with conscious and awareness. The floor at the bottom of the ladder is our unconscious. It is very relaxing for the individual to experience the emotions with awareness by coming to the surface of the consciousness of our unconscious emotions and to go through them. Otherwise, the bottom of the ladder will turn into a cemetery of emotions that have not found a place to live. But at each step of this ladder, a different guard awaits. Social teachings are one of these rungs, and it captures the sad feeling of wanting to go up the ladder and throws it back into the unconscious, to the bottom of the ladder. Our ego and super ego is one of these guards. One of the guards can be sometimes our mother, sometimes our father, sometimes a friend or partner. The guards catch the sadness that is rising up and send it down, preventing it from rising to consciousness.
Childhood Reasons for Not Crying
The child who cannot find a space to express his or her feelings in a safe enough environment, does this by suppressing it. can operate within the framework of the mechanism. Since he grew up in an indifferent environment where his feelings are not taken seriously, he will always keep his sadness to himself and will make it a habit to live in them. The child, who gets scolded from his parents when he cries as a child, will grow up with the knowledge that crying is a bad thing and will automatically hide this feeling in all his relationships when he becomes an adult. can happen. It is the duty of the parents to experience these feelings and to provide an environment for them to re-regulate. The child, who cannot understand his feelings and live them in a safe enough environment, does not know what to do when he encounters these feelings in adulthood. This can cause a number of psychological problems, including the inability to cry when necessary, in adulthood.
Alcohol or substance addicted parents, children growing up with a parent in need of care due to chronic diseases, mental health problems. apathy, children growing up with parents with untreated personality disorder, care and support for an abusive parent, etc. situations may be situations that require the child to mature at an early age and often cause the child to neglect his or her own feelings. First of all, we can be in shock, it's almost impossible to cry in a state of shock. There is a emptiness inside us that we cannot make sense of. On the other hand, there are people around us who say that we need to be strong in this difficult time. We can bury our tears in order to stay strong. We can choose to live our pain inside.
The mourning process is long and there are stages of mourning. The order and way of living these stages of each individual is different and unique. But the grief that has been delayed is just as we read from the scene where we watched the feeling that the male lead in the movie Issız Adam experienced after the single earring he found years after he broke up with the woman he loved. It can come with a feeling of intense depression that comes at an irrelevant time and a feeling of depression that we do not understand where it comes from. Therefore, it is really important for us to be able to live freely when we mourn. There are emotions that we sweep. We can ignore them because we don't see them, but they are under the carpet.
The state of mourning and sadness that could not find a place to live in time may appear as different symptoms of psychological discomfort in the future. For example, in an individual who has not been able to get rid of this pain adequately, it may appear in different forms such as eating disorder, alcohol or substance use, workaholism. Whatever the cause of sadness, the person may keep his thoughts to himself, thinking that perhaps he does not want to upset others. Sometimes, the person does not share his feelings and thoughts with the other, believing that these feelings will be very heavy and negative. Everyone's language of sadness is unique. The universal language of sadness is crying. But we can actually observe it in different and passive forms. In the person's environment By remaining silent, we can observe that he is experiencing his sadness. An individual who has to return to work or school after receiving the news that he has lost a loved one may want to suppress the urge to cry and save it for later, for fear of being disgraced in crowds, even though he actually wants to cry.
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