One of the biggest problems of our today's society is "not being able to say no". Generally, the most intense emotion that people experience is thoughts such as "If I say no, if I refuse, if I refuse, I WILL BE SORRY, I WILL BE HURT". On the other hand, saying no becomes much more difficult and exhausting for people who have not been able to express themselves since childhood and who have not been able to prioritize their own wishes and needs. Because people generally cannot say no
, they start to feel used after a while. It's like people use it all the time, call it whenever they want, when they're busy, and you can't say no to it. As the years go by like this
, after a while you can't stand it anymore and start reacting in unexpected places, harming your relatives
, yelling at your relatives, and getting angry. In our daily lives
because we cannot say no to our friends, spouse, child, family, mother, father, sibling,
sharing an item, sharing our car, or taking it from one place to another by car,
borrowing money. giving up, sometimes having to do other people's work at work, always having to pay
the bill and always feeling used, him/her rejecting you when you ask for something from him/her and easily saying no to you make you more angry. In fact, the person here has some lack of assertiveness training and
cognitive distortions. Sometimes, these situations may arise due to the fear of being disliked, disliked, criticized, rejected, ostracized and losing a friendship. Another important point is that the ability to say no is closely related to self-confidence. People with low self-confidence and self-esteem often have trouble standing up to others and tend to put the needs of others
before their own, meaning they may put their own wishes
in the background. After a while, the person begins to realize this; He feels that he has become someone who lives for others
, his own self-worth can become dependent on what he does for other people.
HOW CAN I SAY NO?
The solution to this problem is actually simple. It can be easily resolved within an average of 2-7 sessions. is a
problem. Together with the person, communication skills, rehearsals of how to say no appropriately, expressing emotions, systematic desensitization, cognitive-behavioral therapy, use of I language, etc. It is an issue that can be solved
with techniques.
How do we say no? Or rather, could there be a method
of saying no without hurting the other person? He can give an example like this:
1-Re-expressing what is asked of you in your own words,
2-Then stating your justification along with why you do not accept it,
3-And Finally, using expressions that will make it easier for your answer to be accepted by the person who wants something from you.
So; Do you want me to smoke this cigarette? No, I don't want to. Because I think it might hurt me
and I don't feel like it anyway.. Maybe later... I don't think so, but... like.... in such a situation and
being able to say no without hurting the other person as much as possible , of course it will create a negative
reaction in the other person. Those who can achieve this will also be able to cope with this negative reaction.
WHY CAN'T WE SAY NO
Generally, our upbringing is an important factor in this. Especially when the family does whatever they want and does not hear no as an answer to what they want, the person then begins to have difficulty in saying no to others.
The family is actually copying the thought of "my daughter and son should not be upset", "let them get what they want
and not be upset" without the person realizing it. Since young people cannot say no, it is very easy for them to start smoking, drinking alcohol and using drugs. Because they did not hear the answer no from the family. Being shy from a young age and not expressing oneself as a student
Why is it so difficult to say "no"? What goes through a person's mind:
We hesitate to say "no", thinking that responding negatively to people's requests and demands, that is, saying "no", would mean rejecting that person, turning them away
.
When we say "No" We think that our relationships may be damaged, we even worry that relationships may come to the point of ending
and these concerns make it difficult for us to say no.
We think that we may be perceived as selfish. We are afraid to say no.
We avoid saying "no", thinking that the way to be good with everyone, to make everyone happy and therefore to be loved by everyone is to say "yes" to everything.
We avoid saying "no" to ourselves.
We cannot say "no" easily
considering how negatively it will affect us.
We may not be able to say "no" because we have not learned when and how to say "no".
Definition of Assertiveness
The word 'assertiveness' may have many connotations for you. However, assertiveness has a specific
meaning in scientific language. We can briefly define assertiveness as 'being able to express oneself'. Everyone wants to learn how to be more
assertive, how to defend their own rights and not be exploited. 'Assertiveness' does not mean being rigid and refusing to compromise completely. In short, being assertive does not mean being aggressive.
These two are completely different things.
What does assertiveness bring to a person?
It improves communication skills
It increases self-confidence< br /> It gives you personal satisfaction
It makes others respect you
It improves your decision-making skills
Unless you want, relatives, friends, acquaintances can impose certain thoughts, ideas or behaviors on you
don't let it happen. Instead, tell us what you want, what you think, what you feel.
Express your thoughts, feelings, ideas clearly, precisely and directly. For example; o I want to be
alone right now. Can you help me at a convenient time?
Say no to unreasonable requests. When declining a request, offer or suggestion, explain
why you did this.
Pay attention to your body language (eye contact, body posture, facial expression, tone of voice) when expressing yourself.
Being assertive does not require being selfish. Do not forget to respect the rights of others.
Check whether the other party understands you correctly and whether you express yourself correctly.
Don't be Assertive by Using I-Language
By starting the sentence with 'I', you emphasize that your feelings, thoughts and wishes belong to you
. So in sentence Let your predicates end with the letter “m”. The sentences you will make generally consist of four
parts:
Pointing out a certain behavior of the other person.
Stating the effect that behavior had on you, how it made you feel.
Telling how you interpreted that behavior. .
To convey what kind of behavior you would prefer.
For example: “When he does ....... (I feel) ....... because I interpret this behavior (like this). However, if you acted (in this
way), I would be impressed (like this).”
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