I always try to look good and do my best for this. Even though I sometimes feel tired, I find it difficult to change my behavior. Yes; “What people think and the degree of impact I have on others are very important to me.” I think this is the aspect that my relatives have criticized me for years... I want people to love me, care about and appreciate what I do. However, they do not know that this is how I achieved all the things I have today. They don't know how I worked extra hours most weekends to get promoted in my job, that I tried to make my boss like me, that I tried to be harmonious and that I didn't speak out even when I was treated unfairly, and how I got to where I am today. According to my girlfriend, who left me a month ago, I was an arrogant man... I learned that she thought I was too bragging about my achievements. It doesn't hurt that he thinks like that, because what I'm really upset about is that I wasn't loved enough. However, I did my best to make him love me. Just like my mother…
When I was a child, I had to wait until the day the report cards were given for my mother to hug me. At the end of each semester, I would proudly run to him and wait for him to say "well done, son" and kiss me. It was so important that he caressed my head that I would work hard for it. The most important thing was that he appreciated me.
Just like today...
If you pay excessive attention to what people think about you and often feel the need to be appreciated and approved, one of the reasons for this experience is "approval seeking" schema… This schema gives you a perception of self that is revealed with the approval of others, rather than a true self-perception. Because of the schema effect, your self-esteem depends on being accepted by others. Self-concept is the sum of a person's beliefs about himself. The individual searches for the answer to the question "who am I" by observing his inner world and behavior and comparing himself with others, and the concept of self is formed.
Due to the "approval seeking" schema, this concept has not developed inwardly. We see that positive effects occur if certain points we need in our childhood are met in order to become adults who adapt well to life. We are tired. So it doesn't have to be perfect. The answer to the question of what a child needs for his development actually lies in a number of universal needs that every human being needs to be met. A child primarily needs to feel safe, autonomy, self-esteem, self-expression, realistic boundaries, and connectedness with others. If these are met, the child's psychology will progress healthily. If it is missing; Early maladaptive schemas formed by the damaging effect of these unmet needs develop throughout life. These are our core beliefs about ourselves that are difficult to change. They are self-destructive patterns that begin in childhood and repeat throughout life. One of them is the "approval seeking" scheme... Under the influence of this scheme, you only feel comfortable when you are approved and appreciated. Self-respect is only possible in this way. If the influence of the schema is strong, you may have a narcissistic personality structure. Some of your needs have been thrown aside, and you have turned to status, success, and material resources to gain the approval of others. For this reason, you may be known as arrogant. You may try to appear harmonious and please others in order to be accepted and appreciated. This effort to please is not in the form of submission. What could be the origins of the “approval seeking” scheme? If you were loved conditionally by your parent, the groundwork was prepared for the formation of the schema. You have learned to strive for appreciation. Your achievements in your business and social life due to the "approval seeking" schema may dull your desire to get rid of the schema effect. As you struggle with your schema, remember that your self-esteem does not depend on acceptance and that continuing your life without worrying about approval will reveal some of your needs more easily. Over time, you will experience the freedom of being your true self and realize that expressing yourself and your emotions will make you feel better. Remember that you are giving up your important needs for the sake of being appreciated…
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