This article is for all well-intentioned friends who have come to the point where they cannot say anything to anyone in order to avoid unpleasantness. Let me list a few thoughts going through the minds of people who have difficulty saying no:
1.If I say no, they will be offended.
2.If I say no, they will think I am an unsympathetic person.
3.No. If I say no, I won't be loved as much as before.
4. If I say no, they will argue/fight with me and I can't stand it.
5. When I want to say no, I get very excited and anxious and I want this anxiety to last short. I say yes immediately.
6. I leave the rest of the examples to you. It would be great if you share these examples in the comments section (NO, I will not share!!!)
It would be very useful to know a few techniques for saying no in order not to hurt the other party and to protect your rights when saying no.
1) Broken Record Technique
Repeat the same things persistently until the other person understands.
For example: Let Ahmet, who is preparing for the university exam, and Mehmet, who is not preparing for the exam, take the leading role. .
Mehmet- Ahmet, shall we go to the cinema this evening?
Ahmet-Thank you brother, I can't come this time, I have to study.
p>Mehmet- Don't exaggerate, you can study, we can go to a short movie and we won't linger too long.
Ahmet-Thank you, Mehmet, but you know, I have an exam and I don't have to study. It is necessary.
Mehmet-Son, you are such a naughty man, come on.
Ahmet-Believe me, I'm not being a naughty person, I'm trying hard because I have an exam. I would come. I need to study…
Note: The important thing in this technique is to remain calm while speaking and finish the sentence in the same way (I need to study).
2)Smoke Screen Technique
The purpose here is to soften up the other party and make them accept their decision by not responding to the other party's provocations and pretending to agree. Let's continue with Ahmet and Mehmet.
Mehmet- My son Ahmet, I thought you were a man, I thought you wouldn't sell, I bought a ticket, I was going to make a surprise. Shame on you.
Ahmet- Believe me, I am very sorry.
Mehmet- You say you are sorry, but it is a story. You didn't come for the last tour either.
Ahmet- You're right, a trial exam is also equivalent to that. He had come.
Mehmet- This is worth two, look at him.
Ahmet- From now on, I will do my best, but unfortunately now I have to learn. I need to study.
Note: Be prepared for criticism. Our only goal here is to calm down and appease the other party. Of course, for this you need to stay calm first.
3) Negative Confirmation Technique
The purpose of this technique is to make sure the other party is right. When it happens, it is about both saying no and getting our decision accepted and finding the middle ground. Our Ahmet makes a lot of mess while studying and does not tidy his room. Ahmet's mother, Ms. Nesrin.
Mrs. Nesrin- My son, for God's sake, what about this room? Look, son, you always do that, and when you eat, you ruin the kitchen. Clean up this mess immediately.
Ahmet-Mom, you are right on both counts, but I solve 300 questions a day, and 8 hours of lessons at school + an hour and a half commute, believe me. Look, I promise I'll rest for two hours and then I'll tidy it up, but I can't tidy it up now.
Note: We're staying calm as usual. Besides, it's such a shame to raise your voice at the mother!
If you're curious about this and similar techniques, don't say no. I recommend Marie HADDOU's book, "Knowing How to Say No", published by İletişim publications, to my friends who have serious difficulties in the subject.
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