Stepmother: Ali, please hang your wet towel on the hanger.
Ali: At my mother's house, we leave the towel wherever we want, my mother hangs it. Stepmother (angrily): So your mother has accustomed you to laziness. Wouldn't it be better for this mother to respond like this?
Stepmother (calmly): I understand, Ali, but everyone in this house hangs their own towels.
Two people who love each other, in good times and bad times; He gets married wishing to have a lifetime of continuity in sickness and health. However, many people cannot last a lifetime in marriage, which is one of the most important turning points in human life. In addition to divorce, the loss of a spouse also causes the marriage process to end. In marriages that end with divorce or death of the spouse, people may consider remarriage.
When switching to a new family order; Especially in families with children, the situation of stepchildren arises. From the children's perspective, the new member of the family is either in the position of "stepmother" or "stepfather".
Parental remarriage is the beginning of a new era in children's lives. Moving to a new house after marriage, changing environment and school; meeting and adapting to new friends and relatives; Getting used to and adapting to the rules and order of the newly established family is a difficult period for many children. The child whose routine has changed experiences intense stress and shows angry behavior; Objecting to everything, having problems adapting to one's environment, decreasing success in classes, lack of interest, and finally, depression can be observed by withdrawing and isolating oneself.
The newly established family environment is completely different from the previous family environment. Researcher and author, Fitzburgh Dodsonw, states that the success of new marriages often depends on the success of the step-parent and child relationship. He likens it to learning to swim in deep water rather than learning to swim in shallow water. While the place and duty of parents in the family becomes clear, the role of step-parenting is shaped in the process.
My Suggestions for Step-Parents:
First of all, consider your spouse. It is important for the person who becomes a stepmother or father to their child to have realistic expectations. One should not get caught up in the utopia that everything will go smoothly and flawlessly.
It should not be ignored that all this will require time and effort.
If you manage the process correctly as a step-parent, you can gain an advantage even over the children's real parents. Because children share their problems more easily with individuals other than their parents.
Establishing a healthy and close relationship between step parents and their children can be a long process, sometimes taking years. Parents need to be patient in this regard and make positive investments in the relationship between them and their stepchildren. It will definitely take time for both families to adapt to each other's habits, backgrounds, rules, expectations, individual wishes and needs. In order for both families to mutually accept each other, they must be determined to act with patience and understanding.
It would be more appropriate for the parent who took on the role of stepfather or stepmother in the early years not to be hasty in disciplining the children and to leave this role primarily to the birth parent. Children need to first establish trust with their step-parents.
Not seeing the child's estranged mother or father does not make it easier for the child to adapt to his step-parent, on the contrary, it makes it difficult. Even though the mother and father have established a new life, the child's ability to maintain his connection with his biological parent increases his self-confidence and makes it easier for him to adapt to his new family.
When trying to adapt to stepchildren, it is important to spend plenty of time together and make the necessary arrangements for this. However, just as important as spending time together, it is also important for the stepparent to spend time alone with their new stepchild. Time spent alone makes it easier for parent and child to get used to each other and develop a close relationship.
Show that you never intend to replace the birth parent.
Do not put pressure on children to address you. Leave the form of address to the child's decision.
Know that it takes time to get to know you and respect the child's need to love his/her birth parents. Do not speak badly about the birth parent.
Read: 0
