Five types of reflections that spouses create unconsciously lead to conflict.
1-Putting in someone else's place: It is when the spouse puts the other partner in the place of someone else with whom he/she has a psychological conflict. In such a situation of reflection, one of the spouses usually relives his past unresolved psychological problems and childhood conflicts through the partner he now sees as suitable for that role, leading to new conflicts. An example of this can be a husband who now lives his conflicts with his mother in the past with his wife, or a woman who continues her conflicting emotional relationships with her father with her husband.
2-Mirror role: One or more of the spouses, the family, It can be defined as the situation where they want their members to be a mirror of themselves. Here, the dominant individual or individuals in the family forces the others to do this and does not allow contradictions.
3-Ideal self role: The person is the person he wants to be. It is the desire to see someone in the place of someone he cannot be. It is the fulfillment of another family member's attainment of a situation that has been ideal for oneself but has never been realized. It is like a parent who has not received the higher education he wanted or could not choose the profession he wanted, putting pressure on his child for his own ideals.
4-Negative self role: The individual, He needs his wife to take away a part of him that he does not like and does not accept, and he tries to realize this in two ways:
a- Scapegoat role: The married individual blames his wife by blaming all the bad characteristics that he has but does not accept.
b- The role of assuming the weakness: The married individual wants to be in a situation where he can show his weaknesses through his wife and feel strong.
5- Companion role:The married individual wants to be in the same parallel with his spouse in his own thoughts, activities or struggles, that is, he wants his spouse's companionship and forces him. He chooses a spouse who can accompany him and assigns this role to her.
Three basic views are mentioned in research focusing on conflict in marriage. is. The first of these basic views is that they are dependent on each other in many ways and affect each other in various ways; It is inevitable to experience conflict between individuals who have different needs, interests and goals, or who try to achieve these goals with different strategies, even if their goals are the same, and due to limited resources. The second fundamental insight is that conflict cannot be viewed from the outset as “bad” or “good”; Conflict can be destructive, but it can also have a constructive effect. Conflict; While it can cause negative emotions, avoidance, rigidity and aggression, it can also cause change, individuals getting closer to each other, adaptation and integrity. The final fundamental insight is that conflict is a cognitive process. This cognitive process; It includes many phenomena such as attitudes, evaluation, tolerance, acceptance of conflict in the relationship, differences in ideas, opinions or goals between spouses, understanding this difference, resolving the conflict, coping with the conflict or conflict management, and as a result, the decrease or increase in emotional closeness in the relationship. .
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