They say, "A person becomes angry with the one he loves." Actually, there is some truth to this statement. When the people we care about in our lives disappoint us, we may become offended by them and choose to remain silent. We expect the person we value to also value us, understand us, and take us seriously. When we believe that this expectation is not met, we withdraw from that person. We feel hurt because we did not expect the action from that person. At the end of being hurt, it is a very natural behavior to cool our emotions, calm down and take stock of the incident. However, when resentment lasts longer than necessary, it exceeds its meaning and purpose and causes breakdowns in communication. Unnecessarily long resentments may also serve the purpose of manipulation and punishment.
The act of being resentful, like most behaviors, is a learned behavior. Often during childhood, parents may set a negative example for their children as a result of including resentment in their communication or showing resentment towards their children. It should not be forgotten that being angry at the child means rejecting the child, and this does not help the child to stop his behavior, but also increases the level of anxiety and causes feelings of worthlessness. As a matter of fact, when you get angry at your child, you give the message "I will only accept and love you if you behave the way I want." Of course, with the heat of the event, you may need to remain silent for a while. Ultimately, your children are the assets in your life that you value the most. Therefore, it is acceptable to be offended or resentful of them. However, in such a case, instead of getting angry at your child, a statement such as "I feel really upset or angry about your behavior, so give me some time and then we can talk" will be sufficient. In this process, you can reduce communication until you calm down, but turning your back completely on your child will mean punishing him. This can make them feel seriously guilty. In order not to offend you, they may become very passive and expect approval in every behavior, or they may become angry and produce more problem behaviors due to the effect of making love conditional. Also child Since he/she will feel flawed, the possibility of displaying a very touchy nature in his/her future life increases. This situation affects social life, friendships and relationships extremely negatively. It causes loneliness.
However, the child who takes resentment as an example and believes that it works can also use this behavior to manipulate the mother and father. A child who feels weak and helpless may close himself off to communication and become resentful in order to maintain control and avoid his parents' reaction. He thinks that in this way he can touch his parents' conscience and calm them down. Especially children who expect a lot of punishment may try to soften the other person by remaining silent. That's why you need to talk about your children's mistakes without being accusatory or causing them to feel ashamed. Chatting about problems with questions and answers such as "Why did you do this, what did you feel, what do you think the consequences of doing this might be, how can you solve the problem when you encounter the same situation again, how can you react?" are effective methods.
The same situation is seen in children who get angry with their parents when their wishes are not fulfilled. In this way, the child, who believes that he will make his parents feel sorry for himself, if he gets what he wants, begins to use anger frequently, seeing it as a solution. Therefore, parents need to be aware of these situations and prevent their children from achieving their goals. If your child gets angry at you because they don't get what they want, and you can't stand it and fulfill their requests one by one, it is possible that they will resort to this method every time. Therefore, when your child stops communicating with you, you can explain "I see that you are angry with me and do not want to talk, I understand that. We can talk when you are ready. But staying silent will not change the outcome."
Sometimes, parents can make mistakes towards their children. If your child seems resentful because he/she resents you as a result, ask him/her to apologize for your mistake. It would be a wonderful gesture if you wish. Because in this case, it should not be forgotten that the reason why he is offended is because of the value and love he gives to his parents. By apologizing to him/her, you will both show the value and respect you give him/her and set an example for him in apologizing. However, if the aim is to obtain requests and attract attention, then this should not be allowed.
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