What are the Communication Barriers?
The communication between children and parents can sometimes be full of obstacles that challenge healthy communication. To give some examples:
1. Frequently Establishing Imperative Sentences;
Let's try to catch the imperative sentences we make by reviewing our lives. “Get up, wash your face, finish your milk, brush your teeth, do not talk with your mouth full, finish your homework, turn off the television, Don't raise your voice when talking to your elders, listen to your teacher…….” It will not be difficult to catch extended imperative words like. It's almost like the military training we all know: "get down!-get up!-crawl!" We can become people who constantly give orders, just like the pattern. However, since obedience in military service is of vital importance, the soldier must not take any other action after the order to lie down until the order to get up comes. So, do we want to turn our homes into military camps and create regular soldiers? Of course not. We should help our children think and find what is necessary for themselves, not just do what they are told out of fear.
2. Intimidating Way of Speaking;
“If you don't finish school, there's no point in paying you”,“If you can't finish your homework, forget about television” ,” If you don't drink your milk, you will remain a dwarf","If you walk around without slippers, you will get sick"etc. Sometimes, in order to make our job easier, we can condition the person to finish a behavior, or we can intimidate and scare him into doing the behavior we want. Even though we do not want him to watch television, we can make him more attractive by making him conditional. It can also create fear, submission, obedience behavior or trigger the desire to "try". It may cause feelings of resentment, resentment, anger and hostility.
3. Constantly Giving Advice, Offering Solution Suggestions;
We can make sentences such as "If I were you, I would work by making plans", "When you finish your milk, you will grow taller", "Let me give you a suggestion" and this way of speaking is very important. We believe that it is useful and constructive. First of all, we need to think about answering the question "Do I need the things we say?" and then the unsolicited advice. It is being able to observe that help is not useful. Otherwise, this approach may create children who are dependent on their parents. Moreover, it will not contribute to creating their own solutions.
4. Frequently Judging and Criticizing; Using sentences like ”can cause feelings of feeling inadequate and stupid. It may cause the child to cut off communication for fear of being the target of a negative judgment or being scolded, or the child may perceive judgments and criticisms as real (I am bad!)or may respond0(You are not perfect either! ).
These messages have a more negative impact on the child than others. These evaluations lower the child's self-esteem. Negative evaluations made about children cause the child to see himself as worthless and inadequate.
5. Constantly Praising the Child
The child can be praised in any inappropriate environment if he/she behaves as desired. “Very nice……..”, “I think you are doing a great job…..” In this case, the child may think that his family's expectations are too high or feel anxiety.
As a general belief It is never thought that this situation will harm the child. Making evaluations that do not match the child's self-perception creates anger in the child. Children interpret these messages as a cunning attempt by their parents to manipulate them and get them to do what they want. When you say it like that, it seems like I will work harder? They may think like this. Additionally, if praise is given in front of others, it may embarrass the child, or as a result of excessive praise, the child gets used to it and begins to need praise.
6. Name calling, mocking:
“Big baby…”, “Come on, Superman”, “Idiot Using sentences such as ”, “Come on, you too have watery eyes”, does not make the child feel valuable in his development. It may lead to the feeling that one is unloved and may have negative effects on one's self-development. Saying words to a lover, such as “My love, my darling”, mother or father It may cause problems in determining the boundaries of his/her relationship with him/her and in the formation of sexual norms.
7. Constantly Asking Questions, Testing, Questioning:0
“Why?….Who?…..What did you do?……How?…..”
Since answering questions often brings criticism or forced solutions, children often tend to say no, give half-truth answers, escape, or lie.
Since questions do not usually explain where the questioner wants to go, the child may become fearful and anxious.
The child who tries to answer the questions arising from the family's concerns may overlook his own problem.
When the child feels like he is being questioned, this creates insecurity and doubt in him.
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