What do you do when your child cries for no reason?
A) “Look what a cute cat there is outside.” or something similar, I draw your attention to another direction.
B)“If you stop crying, I'll give you chocolate or candy.” I say.
C)“You have become a big girl/boy now. "It doesn't suit you to cry," I say.
D)"I'll take you to uncle doctor and get an injection." I say.
E)Depending on the situation, I might do all of them.
Now, shall we look at the answers you chose?
A) Is the most common thing you do to divert your child's attention? When you do this, does his crying stop quickly? But are you sure this is the best thing to do for your child? Have you ever thought that your crying child may need to cry at that moment, no matter how meaningless it may seem to you?
B) What if you give your child chocolate or candy every time he cries? Have you ever thought about the fact that when he feels bad in the future, he does what he learned from you and attacks something to eat, he cannot get out his own emotions and he may also have to deal with a weight problem?
C)What about adults? Do you never cry or should you not cry?
Have you ever cried for no reason? When you say this to your child too often, your child learns that adults are supposed to cry. As he grows older, he has to make more effort not to cry. By keeping his emotions bottled up, he can become a very tense person.
D) A child who avoids going to the doctor may therefore start crying even louder (which is a better option). Or he/she tries to carry more stress inside by trying not to cry to avoid going to the doctor. Which is not healthy for your child. In addition to these, you either increase the already existing fear of doctors. Or you may have made a child who was not afraid of the doctor afraid of the doctor. In both cases, you will be the person who will deal with your child's fear of doctors in the future.
E) Even though you may have chosen different options depending on the situation, none of them will meet your child's needs. It is not intended for crying.
Why is crying good?
First of all, what you need to know is that we should not call crying or even tantrums (noisy crying and waving your arms, stamping, writhing with your whole body) as inappropriate behavior. *There is no violence in the tantrums I mentioned. Crying is a process of escaping pain. Children do not feel better when they are prevented from crying. When children are prevented from crying, they cannot get rid of the stress they experience.
A crying child is a healthy child. A crying child is a child who is in the process of coping with his problems and stress. Many scientific studies have been conducted proving that crying is beneficial. Biochemist Dr. In his research on the chemical content of human tears, William Frey found that the content of tears shed for emotional reasons is different from the content of tears shed as a result of irritation such as chopping an onion. This finding shows that something very special happens when we cry. Dr Frey claims that crying for emotional reasons is intended to get rid of waste materials, such as urinating or defecating. Substances removed from our body through tears, especially ACTH (adrenocotropin hormone) and catecholamines, are substances that accumulate as a result of stress. Manganese has also been found in human tears, which can have toxic effects on the nervous system if too much accumulates in the body. Dr. Frey concludes from these findings that "when we suppress our tears, we increase our susceptibility to various physical and psychological problems." (Quoted in Solther, 2012, Frey and Langseth, 1985).
So what can you do for your children? Considering this research, the best thing we can do when our child cries is to give them the opportunity to cry. There are many sources of stress in the lives of young children. All of these sources of stress create the need to cry. Most of the time, you don't know why your child is crying, but you don't need to know. The important thing is that you accept their crying.
When your children are crying, tell them “you can cry” or “you are really sad right now, aren't you?” We show that we accept their pain with a question like It would be useful to push it. If you can't find anything to say. Or if saying "you can cry" seems strange to you, it's okay if you don't say anything. All that is required is to show interest by watching and listening to your child and convey your love with your facial expressions. If behaving like this bothers you, you can continue what you are doing while your child is crying and acknowledge it with a smile from time to time. This approach is much better than trying to distract your child while he is crying or silence him in different ways.
Try to keep in mind the importance of crying, its naturalness and its contribution to your health, both for your children and for yourself. It's good to cry.
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