Many of us start relationships with the misconception that if we are the understanding, giving, caring, "mature" and managing party, that relationship will never collapse or cause problems. So is this true? Although this assumption is not wrong, it can be said to be inadequate. Let me try to explain why; Human beings are designed as bipolar beings and equipped with hormonal systems that work in opposition to each other. For example, while close, stable, loyal and long-term contacts can be experienced thanks to hormones related to deep bonding and love such as vasopressin and oxytocin, dopamine can enable us to experience dizzying, breathtaking and exciting moments. Sometimes fights, unstable ups and downs and separations trigger dopamine.
The concept of transference mentioned in classical analytic psychiatry is apparently provided with the contribution of these hormones. With transference, which we can call the subconscious tendency to match someone who comes into contact with you with "old familiar models", we tend to match our spouse or friends with our very close relatives, such as parents, and we begin to manipulate them with our behavior. As a result, you try to get rid of someone who you feel is like your mother or father, while getting bored on the one hand. Or you may be running a dopamine-rich relationship by trying to get together with someone you perceive as your father, with whom you have been angry with in the past.
As we mentioned above; As much as we need the hormones of loyalty and closeness, we are also looking for an exciting style such as passion. However, after a while, constant oxytocin causes extreme distress and the desire to get away or seek excitement, while dopamine, which is the opposite, causes relationship or sex addiction after a while, and lives can be turned upside down with an addiction that has rapid, exciting ups and downs.
Hormones trigger behaviors, but behaviors trigger certain hormones. In other words, creating a balanced style with a higher mind seems to be the best way. Those who have low dopamine can increase their chances of being happier when they focus on creating a balance by taking actions to increase dopamine, and those with low oxytocin can increase oxytocin. However, since excessive swings may occur during transition periods, you should get support from an expert. It is very important to take care.
The way to get rid of transference is to focus on the moment and increase the level of personal development. In other words, when you focus on what is happening in the moment and the needs of the moment, it is not expected that there will be a problem in the relationship, but this may not be possible as a result of past traumas, unfinished business and transference.
The same concepts are also used as yin and yang (opposite and balanced energies) in the Far East and as poles in gestalt therapies. expressed. In other words, passionate or static, dependent or free poles exist in balance within every person. In relationships between men and women, it is very important which polarity a person is at peace with. Even if a partner who is extremely dopamine addicted and the other partner who is extremely oxytocin focused balance each other for a while, if they cannot gain awareness about this issue, they will inevitably have problems.
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