While it is difficult for adults to cope with the feeling of grief that comes with loss, adults become concerned about how children will cope. Because of this concern, it is difficult to explain death to children.
How do children make sense of death at what age?
0-2 years; The concept of death does not mean anything to them.
2-2.5 years old; Ideas about death begin to form.
By the age of 6;just as they understand and learn many things during the school age period, they have also reached an adult-like level regarding death.
12 age As of now; they begin to make sense of death like adults.
How to Explain Death to Children?
The most important thing to know and pay attention to. is that; Without further delay, the parents, if any, or the deceased person, with whom the child can get along and share information with the child, should make a short and clear explanation. And there is no need to hide his emotions while doing this. If they live by hiding their emotions, children will learn that they need to hide their emotions in the same way. Moreover, some problems may arise as a result of not sharing and accumulating emotions. These; Negative consequences of anger (swearing, aggression, etc.), nail biting, bedwetting, increase/decrease in appetite, anxiety, fear, feeling of loneliness, etc.
If you have never had a conversation about death before, first of all, You can start the conversation by talking about the changes. You can have a pen and paper in front of you, so you can be active. You can give an example of the change of trees as the seasons change: spring, summer, autumn and winter. The child is explained with examples that there is change in every aspect of life. Then the deceased is addressed with a simple sentence such as “your mother died”.
For children under the age of 6, it is important to be short and concise rather than a comprehensive explanation. Again, “mother died.” "dad is dead." It can be said. However, you may not get the reaction you expect. Then they can continue their games. He or she has repeated questions about where the lost relative is and when he or she will return. It may happen. "I can not tell." You may get the feeling. However, this is very normal considering the age. It will take time to make sense.
Although saying it directly with the words "died" or "passed away" is often a difficult expression for adults to pronounce, this is the truth and the child needs a clear statement to avoid confusion. Not expressing death in this way reduces the feelings of the adult or the child. Whatever the intensity of emotion that will be experienced will be felt in every situation. As long as the acceptance phase has been reached functionally. This means going through every stage of grief. These are denial following shock, expectation of the deceased's future, a depressive state, and finally the acceptance phase. And if the mourning process continues with the same intensity for more than 6 months, it is important to consult a specialist.
How to Explain to the Child Where He Goes When He Dies?
Where the deceased went and what he did. It is a matter of curiosity for children. You can go to the grave of the deceased with your child after the funeral. But does the child live under the ground, what does he do, what does he eat or drink, is he afraid? You may experience confusion with questions such as: It is important to be clear here, too.
Situations where the deceased person can no longer see, breathe, walk, etc. should be explained and explained that these are signs of being alive. Again, by turning it into an activity, explanation can be provided based on living and inanimate examples.
Each family will explain where the deceased went, according to their own belief system.
The concept of heaven can be expressed for those who believe in life after death. It would be appropriate to explain it with a concise explanation, not an exaggerated expression. When a child hears what heaven is like, he may express his desire to go to heaven as soon as possible and that he is very curious about it. Do not worry. You are the one who will give the correct answer to this. “No one can decide for himself when he will die.”
What are the Mistakes Made After the Death?
“If you cry, your mother will be upset, no crying.” "Look, you are a boy, you may be 8 years old, but your father is dead and now you are the man of the house.", "Look, you don't have a mother either, be good, listen to your father, and don't let your father get sick." (or talk to relatives rather than directly to the child malar) “Oh, these kids are so naughty, our little girl/boy didn't bother with them.”, “She turned into a bird and flew away.”, “God took her with him.” Unfortunately, there are many examples like this.
-
Crying is not a bad action, it is the most normal reaction to the feeling of sadness.
-
A child is called a child >He does not have a role such as taking over the masculine duties of the tour and the house. It causes role confusion.
-
No one dies because of a child just because he disobeyed him. If the aim is to make others obey, there are functional ways to do this. If the child thinks that he caused a death, this brings with it a long-term feeling of guilt.
-
It may not mean well for the child that God takes someone he loves with him, and because it separates him from his loved one, it causes a feeling of hatred and anger towards God.
-
And the effects of all these mistakes do not remain in childhood, they can last for years. If no correction is made or support is not received from an expert when necessary.
How Will the Child Cope with the Feeling of Grief?
How will the child cope with this feeling? We talked about the importance of living normally without hiding your emotions in order to live functionally.
Recall your memories by looking at photos from time to time. Don't worry about crying while looking. Let the emotions be experienced.
Explain that this feeling of grief is just like a wave of the sea, that at first it is strong and waves like a high wave, but over time it will decrease. This does not mean that the emotion goes away or that we forget the person who died, it is just that the wave subsides. From time to time the tide may rise, meaning your emotions may swell, but don't worry, just experience your emotion. Your sense of curiosity will ease.
It is important to say all these sentences to yourself first and to the child with this belief. Remember, your coping method is reflected on the child.
May you live your life with functional coping methods.
Read: 0
